I have trouble with wanting to do too much. I have so many interests – photography, music, cooking, gardening, sewing, quilting, blogging, homeschooling – that I can’t seem to find the time to do them all. Then add in all the things I should be doing – reading scriptures, exercising, writing in my journal, spending time with each of my children, taking time for my husband, making personal time for myself, making sure school is done adequately each day. And then, add to that my knack for doing most things in an elaborate way – well you see my dilemma. I tend to forget that bigger or more is not necessarily better. The simple and small things can be just as satisfying, if not more so. They are definitely less stressful!
I have a tendency to want to get in and get things done in a big way. For example, cleaning my house. When I clean it is full throttle, every room, takes all day. By the end of the day I am exhausted, grumpy, and there are messes already in the rooms that were cleaned first. If I were to break that down and do smaller tasks throughout the day and week, I’d end up with the same result with much less work and stress involved. The same principle can be applied to every other aspect of my life – how I approach homeschooling, sewing projects, scripture reading, etc.
The area I need to focus on right now is time spent with my children. I am reminded of a story that was shared in the last General Conference by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 104–8)
“…but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” Alma 37:6
Several years ago I was asked to speak in church about the influence of mothers. I decided to make it personal for the congregation. I put the names of every mother in our ward in a bag and pulled out seven names. I then called their children and asked, “Share something about your mother with me.” Here are some of the responses I received.
* My mother was never afraid to take off her shoes, get on the floor, and play with us. She still does that! Can you imagine the thrill her grandchildren get when Grandma comes over, takes her shoes off and then roll cars around, or lays on her belly to color a picture?
* With a lot of children in the house it was hard for my mother to spend one-on-one time with us. She never failed to tuck us into bed at night, talk to us individually about our day, and then help us pray. We’d lay in bed waiting for our turn with mother.
* By the time I was four I could say that I had read every book of scripture. My mother would read the scriptures to us when it was our naptime. She’d read until we fell asleep. My dad would tease her saying it was preparing us to fall asleep during early-morning seminary!
* I remember the fun we had working with our mother. Cleaning the house, weeding the garden, raking leaves, mending clothes it didn’t matter what it was, mom was there helping us making it more enjoyable.
You should have seen the look of delight on the mothers’ faces when they realized I was describing them. You should have see the proud joy their children had for their mothers. I’m sure these families had big vacations or activities they involved themselves in. But that’s not what the children remembered.
I then shared this memory of my own mother. Waking up in the morning we knew where we’d find my mom – sitting at the kitchen table with her scriptures laid out in front of her along with several church manuals and a notebook. That image day after day impressed in me the importance of personal scripture study. With her not having to say so I knew my mother loved the gospel. (Her habits still haven’t changed! When we visit I can still find my mother in the early morning hours reading her scriptures.)
“Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.” (Julie B. Beck, “Mothers Who Know,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 76–78)
And do not try to choose it all. This is where my self-discipline needs to kick in. I need to realize that I’m not expected to choose it all. My children don’t expect me to do it all. They don’t want to be overstimulated and overworked. They just want my time, my attention with no added frills overloading our experience. I want to find happiness in the simplest of gestures – a hug, a kiss, laughter as we work, a snuggle as we read a book. These are what I need to focus on so that when they are grown my children will remember that I read to them, played with them, sang with them, cooked with them, cleaned with them, loved them.
“Wherefore, be not weary in welldoing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” Doctrine and Covenants 64:33
Thank you for your heartfelt post. I needed to be reminded that sometimes it really is the small and simple things. And if all my children are getting right now is love and not craft days and fun day trips, then that is what matters most.
Thank you so much for this post. It is exactly what I needed today. I appreciate the time you took to write it.
Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to do and be everything – thanks for the reminder it is the love that matters.
Thank you Cocoa! Beautiful post! And now, I’m closing the computer and getting back to my family! ;o)
Wow, what a great post! So fitting especially hearing the Worldwide Training meeting yesterday. Our children need more of us, not more things.
BTW, I found your blog from Amber’s and I really enjoy reading it!
There are just too many fun things to do and so little time! When I’m spending time with my kids, all I want to do is hang out with my kids. When I’m knitting, all I want to do is knit and I mean 10 hours a day! I get so focused that I don’t want to think about anything else. Hopefully I will learn to balance it all some day.
Beautiful reminder! I tend to do things in a big way too. Luckily, right now it’s homeschool and my kids love it, but I’m still searching for balance everyday.
Thanks for writing this.
What a great post. It is true. We fill our lives with so many things and loose track of the simple small things that really make the difference.
What a great post. Now I am going to do myself a favor and get some sleep.
MK
Thank you! Someday I will be a mother and I need all the help I can get so I know how to be my best! You have helped! Enjoy your lovely family!
Wonderful post! Thank you!
Wonderful. Thank you for the timely reminder.
AMEN!
Looks like a lot of us Moms have a hard time remembering to do LESS. I know that I sure do! Thanks for the reminder. I think I need to make that quote – “Mothers who know do less” into some sort of wall hanging or something so that I see it regularly. Maybe even memorize the passage. Not that I’m doing so well with the plain scripture memorizing, but there’s so much good stuff that I want to be In My Head… written on my heart! Thanks so much for this post!
Great posts! This is my first time here- I was reading La Scoula’s blog and found you- You have got some great info here- thanks for inspiring-
Angela
http://www.luxetveritasacademy.org
I am so grateful for this post and for the comment you left on mine. Its encouraging to know that someone else is in the same place. What amazes me is that we found the same inspiration. I love how the gospel works that way. From the comments here, it sounds as if every mom is probably struggling with trying to do too much. At least I’m in good company. Thank you, too, for referencing the talks from the Ensign. I’d forgotten those. I think I will need to be re-reading them often.
Balance is key. It’s something I have to work at too, I blogged about it recently when I got the Think Differently Meme…I feel the need to magnify as in make bigger, when really I should be bringing things into greater focus.
Nice post today.
So True!
I wish you the best as you work at this. I know that I have been working at it for about 3 years now and the peace I feel is amazing.
Beautifully put! I’ve been thinking similar thoughts lately, as it’s something I too need to work on. I gained some good insight on this topic during the WW Leadership Broadcast this weekend. Best of luck in your efforts!
Hi, I just found your blog from Jen. I just had to comment because of how you said New Orleans looks like Savannah! I thought so too! We’ve been going to Hilton Head every year and have gone over to Savannah a couple of times. My daughter loved it so much too.
Beautiful! It is all to often that I find myself wanting it all, not only for myself but for my children. This post was awesome!!
great post! i love it!
Thanks!! We miss “the muck” and all our good friends. I love your blog!!!
Shan
Oi, I struggle with the same thing. So many interests, so many joyful things in our life. I lvoe the quote from Sister Beck’s talk, though. Such an important reminder.
Thank you for writing this so well, it is a reminder that I think all mom’s need. The thing I’m seeing that I really need to work on is being consistent. Not with everything, but there should be something that my kids can count on from me.
I really like your talk idea, brilliant!
That’s exactly how I feel! I also try to do too much at once and that talk by Sister Beck was a wake up call to me. I have to keep telling myself that there is “a time and place for everything.” I’ve decided living to one hundred will not even get me close to enough time to do all that I want to do! I have to choose wisely.