I will not tell a lie.
The past eight days have been hard! Hard because of the stress and worry over our little Ganache.
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| Sunbathing on Sunday for the jaundice |
A week ago Wednesday his skin started to look a bit yellow. Jaundice was setting in. Thursday all he wanted to do was sleep. It was hard to wake him up to get him to nurse. Becoming lethargic is a sign the jaundice is getting worse. Friday when he woke with yellowish eyes I called up the doctor’s office (the doctor was out of town) and they had me take Ganache to the hospital for a bilirubin check. It was high but not enough to cause real concern or put him under the bili-lights. Saturday we went back for another bili check to see of his count was going up or down. Thankfully it was going down. Both Friday and Saturday Ganache woke every two hours to eat – the only day he was lethargic was Thursday.
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| Tuesday morning – see how tiny and scrawny he is? |
But I was still worried. Little Ganache was so scrawny! Most of my babies gained at least one pound from the time they were born to their two week check-up. Ganache was not following that trend. His skin was sagging and more wrinkly than when he was born. I just knew there was something wrong.
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| Tuesday morning after calling the doctor |
Tuesday our doctor was back in town so I took Ganache in to get him checked out. His weight was down to 5 lbs. 13 oz! (He weighed 7 lbs 9 oz when he was born) At that point I lost it. He had lost 1/4 of his body weight in just 12 days. How could that happen when he nurses every two hours? We were immediately sent over to the hospital for blood work. That made me even more of a wreck having to watch the nurses try to draw blood from the tiny little veins in his arms while he screamed and cried in pain. {{whew, this is so hard to write as all those emotions come flooding back}} Both nurses that tried were unsuccessful. They ended up having to poke his heel and squeeze and scoop blood drop by drop into the vials. And yes, he was screaming the entire time. He was tested for blood type to see if there was an incompatibility issue with me, direct Coombs (which tests for a number of autoimmune and alloimmune diseases), and direct/indirect bilirubin.
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| Do you see the sagging skin on his arm? |
I think I’ve stated before how much I love my doctor. His wife, who is also the office manager, came over to the lab just as the nurses were starting to poke Ganache. She told me, “I’m here for your moral support. I was coming anyway but the doctor also sent me.” She stayed the entire time! When it was over she gave me a big hug and said, “You’ll be okay and so will baby. I know this was rough but we’ll get to the bottom of it and figure out what is wrong. Hang in there, mama.” Sympathy at times like this mean so much!
After that exhausting ordeal we went home with strict feeding instructions. Nurse him every two hours for 1/2 hour (15 minutes on each side) than feed him formula, as much as he will eat to see if we could get his weight to come back up.
This morning we received word that all of the blood work came back perfectly normal. Hallelujah! Ganache’s bilirubin count was down even more but we are suspecting that he has breastmilk jaundice because of the prolonged moderate levels of bilirubin still in his system. Jaundice can act as a diuretic which explains the extreme weight loss. Ganache’s face is starting to fill out just slightly after supplementing with formula for over a day. Tomorrow we have another doctor’s appointment to mostly check for weight. If it is starting to go back up we will continue to monitor weight gain for the next couple of weeks. We will continue to supplement with formula as long as needed. The doctor is pretty sure that once Ganache’s weight increases, is regulated, and he gets a little older we can go back to straight breastfeeding.
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| Thursday morning – his cheeks are just starting to fill out a little |
The emotional roller coaster of the past week has been rough. And, of course, that is magnified because of all the postpartum hormones. Tuesday evening was the worst dealing with extreme guilt that my baby was slowly starving to death, wondering if I had somehow missed any earlier promptings to take him in to the doctor. Wednesday was much better. A good hard cry in a hot shower does wonders. : ) Having so many family and friends, both near and far, praying for us, checking up on us, and praying some more has been so reassuring. Today has dawned much brighter with the good test results and Ganache ever so slightly but visibly filling out a bit.
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| Monday, the day he was due. Those small trusting eyes just get to me, especially now. |
Our worries aren’t completely over. I don’t think mine will subside until Ganache is truly chubby and pudgy. But I am learning, yet again, the Lord strengthens us to be able to deal with our trials. And even in this we are grateful to God for the lessons we are learning.
yea, rejoice evermore,
© 2007-2011 Chocolate on my Cranium, LLC all rights reserved
Hang in there Momma! He is such a sweet heart and you know what is best. Hugs!
Just getting through a day is hard sometimes, then add extra worry on top of postpartum and you have a wigged out Momma. I’ve been there friend and you are going to be okay and so is Ganache!
He’s a cutie! Kiss him for me right on that sweet little face!
Have a wonderful night.
Kim
What a blessing good doctors (and their wives) are! I hope he gains weight quickly! What an adorable little baby.
I’m glad things are looking up for all of you. I teared up and had that ‘knot’ in my throat as I read your entry. As a mom, I can only imagine your anxiety.
I am sorry to hear of his struggles, but happy to hear of your support system. God works always for us…and in that moment the doctor’s wife was Christ for you. A needed shoulder, a friend, as you watched your little one poked. I know because one of ours suffered initial feeding and weight issues. And was poked, stuck, and weighed daily. It was our doctor who acted as that Christ figure for us, reassuring that all would be well In His Time.
I’m so glad he seems to be responding. Yay little Ganache.
Oh, Cocoa, I wish I was closer so I could offer to do… something. Play with the big kids so you could get a nap at least. I’ll bet that schedule is a tough one, though well worth it. I’ll be keeping your family in my prayers. I’m sending fat sassy baby vibes your way!
I am sorry you are having such a bad go of it, but happy that you have had all the support you had. Hang in there! Good following your feelings.
Isn’t that the truth? Fat babies seem to speak healthy to me 🙂 But, you are on top of things and vigilant therefore, he has every reason to look at you with those ‘trusting’ eyes. Make sure you get enough sleep and a blessing of comfort couldn’t hurt. I hope things keep looking up quickly for you!
Hugs and prayers your way.
Hang in there Cocoa. It is a rough road, but I know you can do it. I have been through the same thing. I know how I felt. But you are right, when they get chubby, it is such a relief!! I don’t think you ever forget quite how it feels.
Having had two babies that required bili lights, one a hospital stay, I understand the added stress. Hang in there, things will improve.
Moms just know and he is so lucky to have an in tune and experienced Momma that knew something was up! I am so glad you are all doing better! He is so beautiful skinny, he is going to be a lady killer when he gets a little chub! Hugs to both of you!
Oh, my goodness! Wow!!! I’ve had a few similar experiences with a few babies and it is just plain ulcer-inducing.I’m so sorry you had to go through that 🙁 He’s looking really good now and CONGRATULATIONS!
It really is emotional when there are problems with a little newborn on top of the hormones, no sleep, so much to do, other children to love and care for, so many things. So glad to hear he is doing better. 🙂 I have sure cried it out in hot showers more times than I can count. Somehow they do help.
He will be in our prayers! I remember many a times blood squeezed from the heel. NOT FUN! Sorry you had to go thru that.
You’re making me cry reading this. Those same feelings are still so fresh and easily provoked. I am so glad the he is thriving. Its amazing how resilient they are.And what a blessing to have such good support.
Prayers from our house to yours. (and hugs from me to you)
Babies are so hard sometimes. If only they came with instructions or warnings! (books would be wonderful, or little tags like on clothes)
This week has been a testiment to me of the Lord’s hand in ALL things. Tender Mercies Cocoa. Tender Mercies.
Hang in there.
What a cutie! I hope you both are doing okay. We didn’t get much of a chance to visit when you were in town in May but I sure do love you. Hugs to you and the baby.
I remember thinking when the 2nd baby was on its way that it would be easy this time because I had already done the newborn baby thing and knew what to expect. With each child after, it has been different challenges and I have felt like a novice again each time that brand new little baby is put into my arms.
I will keep you and your little guy in my prayers and thoughts. He is one lucky little guy and will soon be thriving.
A good cry in a hot shower really can do wonders, can’t it? 🙂 I’m glad things are looking up and that your dr.’s wife was there for you. Your sweet baby is so precious and so surrounded by love. I hope he continues to fatten up for you. Hugs from here.
I am so sorry that you had to go through {still going through} this. I cried as I read this. My #3 was born 10 weeks early, and the pictures of little Ganache were all too familiar of my little one. It’s so hard when you can’t kiss your babies better.
I am so happy that he is doing so much better and that his cheeks are getting puffy again. {all the better to squeeze, pinch, and kiss}
I love those long fingers!!!
It may make the last few days easier if you know that slightly elevated bilirubin levels in the newborn perform a function. I read a paper for school that showed elevated bili levels act as an immune booster in the newborn. That’s good, because newborns don’t have a fully-functioning immune system like you and I. (incidentally, kissing your baby’s cheeks allows your body to sample pathogens the baby has been exposed to and then make the antibodies to those pathogens and pass them on via breastmilk. God did some seriously cool stuff with momma’s and babies)
Good job listening to your instincts. Mom’s always know. May you have greater peace in the days to come. Just take it easy! In the old days, mom’s spent a minimum of 5 days in bed, 5 on the bed and 5 around the bed. I love that rule. It gives us permission to take it slow and get to know our new babies.
It’s so hard when tiny ones are not doing well..glad he’s improving though!
That could have been bad, but you were on top of things. Moms just know.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you Cocoa and Ganache. I can’t imagine what that feels like to watch your baby lose weight. I only have little boy so far but I do worry about things all the time.
You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your trials and insights. You are so right that the Lord strengthens us beyond what we are capable of.
Wishing you both to get better quickly!
no time to read all the comments, but has he been checked for a tongue tie by a lactation consultant?
prayers that you find a reason that is easy to rectify and get back to exclusive b’feeding mama. xx
Thank goodness for good doctors and wise mothers who listen to those whispers when they need to! Our daughter has been guided with a couple of her children and didn’t stop until she had answers. If she hadn’t, we wouldn’t have our little grand daughter now. Take care and remember you are in many or out prayers!
You little guy is darling. Looking forward to watching him grow and thrive as your other children are!
Oh poor momma!!!! I feel your pain and know your stress! My last baby was born in June and was life flighted to Primary children’s hospital 4 hours after birth. She had to have open heart surgery at 3 days old. So scary to have a baby that doesn’t follow the norm for yours…or ANY baby!!! Hope all goes well and that little Ganache continues to do well.
So sad! Thank heaven for good doctors who care! I hope things go much better this week and that you’ll get some much needed sleep too. Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family!
Oh that must have been just terrible. I hope he starts gaining well so you can stop worrying. The poor little darling, and poor you!
My prayers are with sweet baby Ganache. Our Lord is so wonderful and right there with you, stay strong in knowing that Cocoa. I’ll have you and the rest of your family in my my prayers and thoughts.
Warm hugs….Tracy 🙂
Nothing is worse than having to watch your sweet little newborn get poked and prodded, along with all that anxiety of knowing something is not right. Little Ganache will be in my prayers!
Oh, that picture of his saggy arm skin is so sad! I’m glad things are starting to look better.
I just saw someone write what I was going to say- Have you checked him for tongue tied?
Congratulations on your beautiful family- hoping that little guy starts gaining well. I’ve been there and it’s awful, let go of any guilt and move on… enjoy that sweet little boy.
Oh best wishes. Having sick babies is the hardest. Sending prayers and love your and ganache’s way!
Reading this made me emotional. My baby turned 2 yesterday-and reading this makes all the emotions of having a new baby so fresh in my mind. Hang in there-I’ll say a prayer for you and your babe. Prayer does work.
I went through something similar with baby number 4. The roller coaster of emotion it hard. My suggestions is sleep and feed baby. Have someone come in to take care of the household items. Your girls will be big help too. It take a lot to feed that little guy every 2 hrs. Good Luck. You and the family will be included in my payers.
Oh my goodness! I’m so glad you figured it out and he’s starting to fill out. Isn’t it funny how hard it is to have a newborn, even when you’re “experienced” at it? Each of them tend to throw something new at you. Don’t feel guilty! You are a wonderful mama and you caught it on time! You and Ganache will be in my prayers.
{{{{COCOA}}}}
I am so grateful that he’s filling out and recovering! Bless your mother-heart! You and your little guy are in my prayers!
HUGS,
Rachel
Hi, this is Maile – I’m the one who introduced myself to you at the end of Women’s Conference. I have NOT been good at commenting, but my heart reaches out to you so much at this time. I keep thinking what a perfect name your son has – his given name of Gideon, and not his chocolate name. 🙂 Elder Maxwell gave a talk (I can’t remember which) and a phrase from it has stuck out to me many times over the years – “Gideon’s deliberately small army” – as a reminder that the Lord is able to accomplish what we are unable to do on our own. I will keep all of you in my prayers!
Oh, that’s so scary! I’m glad he’s doing better.
Cocoa, how strange that I can say that my experience with my ninth little babe was almost identical to yours. It took me nearly 3 weeks to realize that my baby was slowly starving himself to death. I so totally understand your pain, guilt and anguish. I’m so glad that it’s nothing too serious and that the formula is helping him. I had to go to using formula only. He refused to nurse and the pump wasn’t working well enough to even supplement. I am so sad to miss out on nursing but I’m so happy to have a chubby, happy baby(now 5 months old). Can’t wait to see some chubby baby photos. Good luck to you both!!! ((Hugs))
Take it for what it’s worth, you are his momma. But I wanted to share a couple of experiences with you. If they can help, great!
My first had Breastmilk Jaundice. I cried as I gave him formula because that was never in the plan. When in reality, I found out later, I just needed to push fluids through him. Even breastmilk. I didn’t know. It was my first.
So if you have the time — which that’s difficult with many little ones, you can pump and feed him breastmilk in addition to what you’re nursing him directly. All those great things in transition milk will help him heal faster as well.
The other thought is tongue-tie. The pediatrician in the hospital INSISTED my youngest wasn’t tongue-tied and that she’d been checking out babies for tongue-tie for years. But she was wrong. And I found that out when my baby had lost a full pound in her first week. She had BOTH a posterior tongue-tie and an anterior tongue-tie. Lots of prayers and priesthood blessings later and she’s healthy and nursing well and still is at 8 1/2 months.
Follow your mother’s instincts. And know that we’re praying for you and Baby Ganache.
Those mom-guts always know. There are so many reasons to second-guess ourselves, and we shouldn’t feel guilty when were doing our very best on very little sleep and high hormones. You’re a rock star, Cocoa. This is exactly the reason why mothers are the superheroes of the world. That love, compassion, and urgency for the well-being of a little soul is why humanity lives on in the world. I’m proud of you. You’re doing hard things.
I’m so sorry that your family had to go through this. God bless you and that sweet little baby. Sending prayers your way.
My prayers are with you and your family; I’m so glad you have a doctor you trust, too.
I am so behind..but relieved to see this pot and then the happy update as well. SO glad he is doing better and I’m proud of you having a good cry in the shower. Sometimes they are just necessary!
I’m so glad he’s doing better! Good luck!