Cranial Hiccups

Every once in a while and totally unintentionally my brain spews out a good idea.

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Cooking In My Home

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Welcome today’s guest blogger, Cheryl!

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I was born to Canadian parents, raised in Idaho, and graduated from BYU. Since then, my home has been in Provo, Utah (except for one wonderful year in the Bay Area, California). I have one amazing husband (12 years and counting), five fabulous kids (with one on the way), and although I struggle with Depression, I seriously have one great life! I’m tall. I love. I write. Happy Meets Crazy

The other day the kids were watching “The Jungle Book” while we were driving in the van. It was the end of the movie, the part where Mowgli sees the village girl and she’s singing this song:

My own home, my own home
My own home, my own home
Father’s hunting in the forest
Mother’s cooking in the home
I must go to fetch the water
‘Til the day that I’m grown
‘Til I’m grown, ’til I’m grown
I must go to fetch the water
‘Til the day that I’m grown
Then I will have a handsome husband
And a daughter of my own
And I’ll send her to fetch the water
I’ll be cooking in the home
Then I’ll send her to fetch the water
I’ll be cooking in the home

I remember hearing it and thinking, “What the? That’s not very empowering for women.” I didn’t say anything out loud to the children, thank goodness, because two days later, I had an epiphany.

My husband, Brandon, and I had been invited to a friend’s home for dinner and we were making aloo gobi for a side dish. Brandon was still shopping for some main ingredients, and although he’s the chef in our house (when it comes to exotic food), I realized we were running out of time. So, I started peeling the potatoes.
As I peeled, the little girl singing that song came back to me. (I’m guessing it was because the little girl was Indian and I was making an Indian dish.) I pondered the lyrics and I realized something: It has always been this way, you know. And it’s really not so bad.

Just because women peeled potatoes and plucked chickens and grew vegetables “back in the day” didn’t mean they were oppressed. The men had their jobs, and the women had their jobs, and the kids had their jobs. What they all did was work together to survive. Women cooked to feed their families, and because of the time it took, it was pretty much a guarantee that’s mostly what they did all day. They didn’t have refrigerators or microwaves –no electricity, man! They had to send their daughters to “fetch the water” and their husbands “hunted in the forest” and they “cooked it all in the home” in order for the family to survive. It was teamwork. Neither task was greater than the other. They all worked together. Because, as I tell my children on an almost daily basis, that is what families do. They help each other. They work together. They do their part.

After I had the potatoes boiling and the cauliflower chopped up, Brandon arrived home. I was grateful he was there to do the spices part (he’s much better at that), but he was grateful I had gotten everything started. We finished up the meal as a team, went to our friends’ house, and had a great evening together.

I’ve thought a lot about that experience. Mostly because the very next night we did NOT work as a team and ended up arguing the whole night. It was very eye-opening. What does it mean to be equal? As genders? As spouses? In the home? In a family?

I think it’s hard for women in this time period. We have so many mixed messages of who/what we should be; we’re told that if we submit to our husbands, we are weak. If we stay home with our children and do basic household chores and cooking, we are oppressed. As a self-proclaimed feminist, I understand what is being said, because I do believe women are capable, strong, and equal. But I do disagree with the idea that to be equal, women need to take over men’s roles. Equal does not need to mean same. I don’t think it’s fair to assume doing “women’s work” weakens a woman’s character or worth. At all. Women who choose to stay home and raise their children and cook and clean are actually doing something awesome. It may seem demeaning to spend so much time “sacrificing” for people who may not appreciate it, but it’s really not. It’s just another part of the teamwork equation, you know? Brandon works very, very hard to earn enough money to keep us in a home, to buy us food, to get us health care, to keep us clothed. I work really, really hard to keep the family fed, the house and yard in good order, to bear and raise the children, to teach the children how to work and have manners, to educate them. The children work super, super hard to help out where they can, to learn, to grow. It’s a team. We all work together as a team. That’s what a family does. Is.
The longer I live, the longer I’m a mom, the longer I’m a spouse, and the longer I strive to improve our family’s level of happiness, I’m struck by the absolute truthfulness of these words:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World.)

Let me be clear, though. I do not judge any one who has made choices different from mine. I understand how life deals us situations that limits our choices, or we choose what’s best for our family in the moment. I believe this is made clear in the Proclamation; things happen. We do the best we can. Personally, I had a working mother, and I don’t, not even for a second, regret that. She was amazing. What I am saying, however, is that I’m grateful I live in a time where my choice to stay home is exactly that –a choice. I have been given a wonderful gift that I do not take for granted in this confusing women-should-be/do-more world.

The song that offended me at first glance resonates with me now. As I sweep, as I cook, as I change diapers, as I teach an FHE lesson –I’m finding more empowerment than I ever thought possible. This doesn’t mean everything is suddenly magical, nor has it change the difficult moments of motherhood –however! I’m finding strength and peace in the truthfulness of my divine role. I’m eternally grateful for it.

My own home, my own home.
Then I’ll send her to fetch the water
I’ll be cooking in the home.
~Cheryl
www.cherylthoughts.blogspot.com

Thanks Cheryl!

Now that you have that song stuck in your head how about trying to win several more?

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Comments

  1. Cheryl, thanks so much for this wonderful and thought-provoking post. I really liked the statement “It’s hard for women in this time period.” I so agree. I think that, somehow, somewhere, in the whole woman’s lib movement of the 60’s, we lost the ability to be women. To make our choices. That’s interesting and ironic. I will be pinning this post.

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  2. I do agree, the women in this day are pretty mixed up. It is hard. I treasure the teachings of the prophets and our Lord because together it all makes sense. Thank you for this post.

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  3. My husband thinks my job is harder than his and wouldn’t want to trade any day! Makes me feel good. I’m so grateful he is also willing to help out when he is home! Thank you for you thoughts and ideas!

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  4. It is hard to remember that I am doing an important work in my home with my two kids in the midst of cooking, cleaning, washing poo off of the carpet, etc. etc. Thank you for the reminder.

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  5. Cheryl, I always love reading your posts! Thanks so much for sharing your talent in putting in writting some very wonderful thoughts and inspiration!

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  7. I love that movie and have always liked that Mowgli comes and carries the water for this girl.

    Thanks for your thoughts today. I need to be reminded what a great work I do even if it is just cooking and cleaning and teaching.

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  9. Great insights. I need to remember this when I start to feel like my contributions in the home don’t really matter. Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂

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  12. “Just because women peeled potatoes and plucked chickens and grew vegetables “back in the day” didn’t mean they were oppressed.”

    absolutely. i mean, the fact that they never got to choose who they married, were abused, couldn’t own property, were treated as property were the reasons they were oppressed. (and about a million other reasons)

    i get the point of your post. but something i would like to point out is this: we now have choices. women ‘back in the day’ as you say did NOT have this choice. they had kids, cooked and did whatever else their husband told them to do regardless. we have this choice, which is part of heavenly fathers plan. satan’s plan was to force us, while heavenly father’s was to allow us to choose.

    i am thankful every day that i live in this time. i get to choose to stay at home, i get to choose who i marry, and i am most assuredly no ones property. if i wanted to go to work, i could.

    thank you for the post. it has given me lots to think about today.

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  13. I appreciate this post. I am finally starting to develop a real sense of the importance, meaningfulness, and divinity of what I’m doing in the home. That it’s not just annoying/frustrating/constant work that isn’t appreciated by anyone. It’s more than that. And I love the phrase I read somewhere recently that men and women’s equality doesn’t mean that what they DO is the same, but that what they do in their roles are of equal VALUE.

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  18. I am so grateful that through the Proclamation we are better able to know our role, and see our worth. Thank you for the great post, and the reminder of the beauty of the work in the home.

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  19. Good thoughts! And thanks for saying that you struggle with depression, but that you have a good life. If eel that way too…I just get out there every day and bat away at it! And have a happy life despite it! 🙂

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  21. While raising my children, I was too busy to worry about what other women were doing. As a Girl Scout leader, I noticed a lot of awesome women leaving high-paying careers to have children and stay home. Their children were in my troop and these moms were so supportive!

    Now my kids are nearly grown and for the first time I’m questioning my role as a woman. I’ve tried doing different things such as going back to school, substitute teaching (I have a degree in teaching), odd jobs…but that just made me lose sight of who I really was.

    I’ve decided to stay at home and do the things I love as a homemaker. I love creativity and artistic endeavors and there is nothing more creative than being really good at homemaking.

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  22. Cheryl, I loved this post. I wanted to stand up and cheer as you described what a family IS. And I loved how you included the children’s roles in that. There is such *power* in a unified family, with all members working together and making things work.

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  23. “they had kids, cooked and did whatever else their husband told them to do regardless.”

    Hm. I agree that they had fewer options, but I don’t agree that all women had to do whatever their husbands did. That may have been the dynamic for some (and some dynamics are likely still this way), but I don’t think it’s accurate to generalized it to all. I don’t look back at my foremothers and think they were oppressed. I think their lives were hard (and yet more simple due to fewer options), but I still see them as powerful women who did what they had to do to make things work and to do God’s work.

    -Michelle

    Reply

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