When my first born son was a baby, only 8 months old, he would sit in his walker and play with the baby toys. Then my husband or one of his brothers would drive by in a tractor or semi-truck loaded with hay. My son would go nuts! He’d make truck noises, wave his arms wildly and kick his legs wanting to be held to the window or taken outside where he could see the big piece of equipment going by. We didn’t teach him to do that. It was just a natural reaction because of his gender. When my daughters were that same age, playing in the same walker, hearing the same noises of farm equipment going by they reacted too – by saying “Dada!” I never in my life thought I’d have so many daughters. They were born with an inherit desire to be hospitable , motherly, nurturing, and feminine. It showed in how they choose to play – tea parties, dolls, dress-up. Now that they are all a little older my daughters aren’t afraid of getting dirty. They enjoy working with their dad, driving tractors, raking and swathing hay. My son occasionally enjoys playing dolls with his little sister, pretending to change their diapers and rock them to sleep. He likes helping me cook and bake. These are also part of their physical and spiritual make-up – to help each other learn to fulfill their divine roles.
“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”
The importance of gender is now being attacked on many fronts. In Sweden there is a preschool that is “gender-neutral.” The pronouns ‘he’ and ‘she’ are not used. Instead everyone is referred to as ‘friends.’ When a guest is coming to the preschool the teachers use a made up word – one that doesn’t even exist in the Swedish language – so they don’t reveal the gender of the guest . There is also a couple in Canada (and another in Sweden) who refuses to tell people the gender of their baby. They don’t want their child to be defined by gender.
And that is where they are wrong.
To be human is to have a gender, and gender does help to define who we are. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said: “[Gender] in large measure defines who we are, why we are here upon the earth, and what we are to do and become. For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary. … The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness” (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Liahona, June 2006, 51; Ensign, June 2006, 83).
When a new baby is born what is the first question typically asked? Is it a boy or a girl? Why do we ask that? Why does it matter to be male or female? The answer can be found all throughout the The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Here’s an example from just the second paragraph.
“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”
From the very beginning of life the differences in gender are evident. Children are born knowing who they are. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that our creation as male and female children of God “was done spiritually in your premortal existence when you lived in the presence of your Father in Heaven. Your gender existed before you came to earth.” (The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness, Nov 1996) My sons have always been male. My daughters have always been female. They will always be such!
In the beginning we know God created Adam. It was not good that Adam was alone, so God created Eve. President Boyd K. Packer explained: “The plan of happiness requires the righteous union of male and female, man and woman, husband and wife. … A body patterned after the image of God was created for Adam, and he was introduced into the Garden. At first, Adam was alone. … But alone, he could not fulfill the purposes of his creation. No other man would do. Neither alone nor with other men could Adam progress. Nor could Eve with another woman. It was so then. It is so today. Eve, an help meet, was created. Marriage was instituted.” (For Time and All Eternity, Nov 1993)
Can you see how important gender is? We need both male and female working together as equal partners to fulfill God’s plan of happiness. If one is missing progress is stopped. Satan knows this! That is why he is working so hard to confuse gender roles.
“To the first man and woman on earth, the Lord said, “Be fruitful, and multiply” (Moses 2:28; see also Gen. 1:28; Abr. 4:28). This commandment was first in sequence and first in importance. It was essential that God’s spirit children have mortal birth and an opportunity to progress toward eternal life. Consequently, all things related to procreation are prime targets for the adversary’s efforts to thwart the plan of God.” ( Dallin H. Oaks, The Great Plan of Happiness, Nov 1993)
Gender-neutrality and same-sex marriage are just a couple of examples of how Satan is trying to confuse and distract us from our real purpose in life – to have families. “When you stop and think about it from a diabolically tactical point of view, fighting the family makes sense. When Satan wants to disrupt the work of the Lord, he doesn’t poison the world’s peanut butter supply, thus bringing the Church’s missionary system to its collective knees. He doesn’t send a plague of laryngitis to afflict the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He doesn’t legislate against green Jell-O or casseroles. When Satan truly wants to disrupt the work of the Lord, he attempts to confuse gender and he attacks God’s plan for His children. He works to drive a wedge of disharmony between a father and a mother. He entices children to be disobedient to their parents. He makes family home evening and family prayer inconvenient. He suggests family scripture study is impractical. That’s all it takes, because Satan knows that the surest and most effective way to disrupt the Lord’s work is to diminish the effectiveness of the family and the sanctity of the home.” (M. Russell Ballard, The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood, March 2006)
While the world around us continues to drift further and further from God’s standards set forth in the scriptures, we need to stand firm and anchor ourselves and our families to the truths they contain – one of the most basic being gender is essential.
Thank you so much for this, I can’t believe the world is really coming to this. My girls wouldn’t be who they are without knowing they are girls.
While I agree with everything you wrote (and very well written it is!), I think the issue that most people have with gender identity are the cultural norms that are placed by people, not by God, on children. Culture defines what’s appropriate for boys and girls to wear, what colors it’s okay to like, what toys you can or can’t play with, etc. I think it’s an interesting idea that these parents are trying to eliminate the pressure of outside forces on their children’s aesthetic preferences. The schools sound pretty odd, though, going more in the harmful direction that you’re referring to.
beautifully put! i think it’s very important for girls to be girls. what you said about our gender being ingrained in who we are from birth, i have to agree. i have always been a rough and tough girl. wrestling with the boys, video games, bugs, cars etc. yet, even when i was young, i LOVED playing with dolls, and having tea parties. despite all my rough and tough nature i had the distinct desire from my cousins (all boys until i was 12) to do those activities that were more girly. my mother didn’t even really enjoy dolls or tea parties, and my grandmother wasn’t either if i remember correctly. my desire came from somewhere within! not from the external things around me telling me what is appropriate for a girl. 🙂
I think it’s terribly unpopular to say this, but that just goes to show have completely Satan has twisted the idea of gender around. When I moved to Pennsylvania, I made friends with a Mennonite woman…she described how her boys played and how her girls played being different and innate. I was like, “You know, she’s right!” I had lived in a politically correct world so long that even I tried to tell myself that there wasn’t an inherent difference in the way boys and girls approached play…but there is and there is a reason for this. And I am glad that someone who is a dedicated mother, reminded me of this fact all those years ago. Great post, Monste!
When my first child was born, I was determined that she would have mostly gender neutral toys as well as dolls and cars for balance. It didn’t take long to see that even with a balance, she gravitated toward “girl” things. Two children later, my oldest son was all boy and different from his sisters even though they played with the same toys in the same home. Of course, he got in on the nail painting sessions and wanted barrettes in his hair, but then he would turn everything into a gun. I have no doubt that our gender roles are something we are born with. 🙂
Wow. I had no idea people were doing those kinds of things. I would never tell my daughters they couldn’t play with ‘boy’ toys but I do see them naturally being ‘girly’. I have worked with a lot of children in my life and have found it interesting to watch how differently most boys and girls play.
I am so grateful for the knowledge that gender is eternal, not a random occurance in the womb. It gives me the courage to raise my boys to be men, not confused.
And I think it’s cute that they make vrooming noises before they can talk. My baby already looks at his brothers’ cars with longing eyes.
Praise God for the Proclamation! I feel so sick when I see the turmoil brought about by The confusing of the genders. We MUST teach our children! Thanks for the post.
I’m so thankful for the very defined/divine roles the Lord has given us and for the proclamation that so beautifully and clearly states such.
Thank you for this post & series. I see it in all 5 of my sons.
This was well written! I am going over right now to facebook to share a link to it so that all of my friends have a chance to read this. Thank you.
With 2 girls and 2 boys I have seen first hand the differences between the genders. You can give them the same toys but they play with them differently. Legos to the boys are for building fighting machines. The girls build houses and animals.
Each of my children is very different from the others but those innate gender roles come through!
When I was a younger mother, a stake president came up to me and said, “Raising all boys I see. What a responsiblibty you have!” I must have looked clueless because he then explained further. “You are raising Prieshood holders and Fathers. They need to be taught as such. That is a big reponsibility.”
It is true. We all need to be aware of the people our chilren become and raise them as such. My boys may become concert pianists, or dancers…but they are going to be Fathers and Priesthood holders as well and need to learn the divine responsibilities as such.
Great post Cocoa.
I noticed my son could throw a ball before he crawled. All of our girls needed to be taught how to do that, but it just came to him. We need to remember the role gender plays in raising our children and also in our interactions with adults.
Agreed boy babies are different than girl babies. In the beginning of my motherhood, I bought into the anti-gender silliness. Then after 4 girls, boy #1 showed up. Yes, he played with dolls and had tea parties with his sisters, but he loved power tools. We girls covered our ears and ran. His first word was rooom-rooom, indicating that he wanted to hear the mower, circular, saw or what have you. Culture does not or should not define how girls and boys should dress, the Bible does.
It is so important to know that you are a child of God, and created in His image. In today’s world you see and hear about so many people who are confused, and it is very sad. Thank you for your thoughts, I really enjoyed reading this post.
Thank you for sharing this. =)
Thanks for the very clear statements from priesthood leaders and how the real attach comes from Satan to destroy the purpose for Adam and Eve to leave the Garden of Eden.
Loved your post! Makes me realize how much harder I need to work so my daughters understand what their awesome responsibilities are as a daughter of God. 🙂
I have four boys and it has been interesting how the world is trying to change how they are to think and act. My youngest son was recently sent home with a letter from his principle about his behavior at school he had gotten in trouble for playing cowboys and indians. When I asked the principle why this was a problem she said because they are pretending something that is bad. I proceeded to tell her that boys naturally think war games and good guy vs. bad guy games and that doesn’t imply that they are bad themselves or that they really would do the things they act out. After a long talk about all the things she felt were bad for boys to do or play I finally got sick of it and said You can’t stop boys or girls from acting the gender they are. Just because you don’t agree how we were created doesn’t mean that you have the right to try and change them to fit a politically correct world. I am ready to take more responsibility and telling the world that we need to stop trying to change and mold people into ITS and let boys be boys and girls be girls. We need to stop comparing them to each other. Thank you for posting this article it was very well written!
What a lovely post! I love that quote from Elder Ballard, both for the teachings and for the peanut butter thing 🙂
great post. Thanks for doing this and for promoting the Proclamation. I am joining in on writing here: http://diane-dianerobertson.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much for sharing. I loved the qoutes and will be studying more about this. I agree with everything said. When I had first heard about the gender neautral raising I was outraged.
Even though I don’t really agree with everything you said here, I found this to be a very interesting and well written post.
Thanks for sharing it with the world. 🙂
Actually, I’m going to share this with my firends on Google+ if that is okay….
I really appreciate you sharing these thoughts. It is so sad that with most of the world these views are so unpopular now. I am so grateful the Lord has set a clear path for us, and given us a wonderful reminder that just like everything else, our gender is a part of His divine design.
Great post. I think it’s important to remember that Satan has been at this for a LONG time, and while right now he’s saying that male and female should be exactly the same not that long ago he was saying male was better than female (at least in North American culture, I know he still says this in other parts of the world). It’s interesting how his tactics change, even though they accomplish the same goal:diminishing the family.
I loved this post. Our families are the dearest things to our hearts. Thank you for putting it so eloquently.
Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Well said! I have heard so much said about gender… even in the last week. Isn’t it wonderful to know that it is inherent to who we are!
I needed this right now. I am taking a Communication and Gender class in college and I was trying to match up with how the textbook puts it with how the church puts it. Or how the Lord puts it. You had some great references and if I ever get confused I will be able to come and check out this article again.
I always enjoy your articles. I stop and ponder. I also love the big family ties and home school advice. I have to say it’s nice to be friends via blogs isn’t it!
Very well written. I agree. It is sad to see where Satan has twisted things and what the world accepts.
When I had a daughter after 3 boys, I realized it was time to buy a doll when I found her rocking a Power Ranger in her blankie! 🙂
Loved your thoughts and went through similiar moments with my own children. I had 3 boys and then three girls. Never a dull moment in learning how each of them has separage yet unique traits of being a boy or a girl. I like how men now help there wives with many of their assignments and vice versa.
Blessings to you and keep on enjoying the sweet moments!
Because gay people are the work of Satan, right?
Why can’t people accept that they are just different.
Thank you!
I appreciate this post. I especially love the quote from Elder Packer.
I was reading your blog when I got the comment you left on mine. 🙂 I’ve listened to several Enduring It Well episodes, but not Meg’s. Thanks for letting me know about it so I can go listen.
So true! I love this post and the awesome picture of your little man. 🙂
So simple, yet so easy to forget. Thank you for sharing 🙂
thank you for your words! I couldn’t have said it better…there are so many disturbing things in this life, but this is at the top for me. I am trying to teach my children that it’s good to be who they are, that they were and are sent here to be the person they were born to be! it can be so difficult with the outside world being so wishy-washy…thank you!
Love the quote from Elder Ballard–teaching solemn truths with a smile and still maintaining the significance and seriousness of it. Great post!
GREAT post! I remember hearing about the couple in Canada and I just shook my head–how utterly ridiculous.
Good post! But I might interpret this part differently:
Now that they are all a little older my daughters aren’t afraid of getting dirty. They enjoy working with their dad, driving tractors, raking and swathing hay. My son occasionally enjoys playing dolls with his little sister, pretending to change their diapers and rock them to sleep. He likes helping me cook and bake. These are also part of their physical and spiritual make-up – to help each other learn to fulfill their divine roles.
I don’t think that those manifestations are mainly about helping the other gender with their responsibilities, but rather with fulfilling the full measure of each gender’s creation. Men are also meant to nurture and care for babies (the goal is to achieve eternal fatherhood after all, which fatherhood is not focused on a 9-5 job but with caring for and nurturing an eternal posterity), and baking and cooking are general home tasks that don’t need to be assigned to either gender. Likewise, your daughters learning to help outside, and connect with nature is just as important for the female gender as it is for the male. I think sometimes we like to package the genders into stereotypical boxes, when the function of gender is actually more about our stewardships than our personalities, interests, preferences, etc. Just a thought.