Yesterday, I came across this article from the NY Times: For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage.
Sad and tragic that American society has degenerated so far that for many marriage is no longer considered a sacred institution.
Sad and tragic the very definition of marriage has gone from this entry in the 1828 Noah Webster’s Dictionary where God, prevention of promiscuous behavior, happiness and children are mentioned:
MAR’RIAGE, n. [L.mas, maris.] The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity,and for securing the maintenance and education of children.
Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. Heb.13. 1. A feast made on the occasion of a marriage. The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king, who made a marriage for his son. Matt.22.
2. In a scriptural sense, the union between Christ and his church by the covenant of grace. Rev.19.
to this “modernized” definition where God is taken out of the equation, children aren’t important, and the very basis of man and wife – one man, one woman – is changed to same gender partners :
mar·riage
noun
1. a.the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.b. a similar institution involving partners of the same gender: gay marriage.2. the state, condition, or relationship of being married; wedlock: a happy marriage.3. the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple, including the accompanying social festivities: to officiate at a marriage.4. a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction: trial marriage.
People want to make their choices without suffering the consequences. But consequences always come, sooner or later, and often it is not just the person who made the choice that is affected but those around them and future generations.
Quoting the NY Times article: “The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.”
I’ve seen this in a few of my acquaintances. Children have suffered because of the choices their parents have made to not marry at all. And the cycle is now being repeated by the children. They lead unhappy lives.
The need to defend traditional marriage has never been greater. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” an inspired document first read in 1995, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles proclaim that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
I believe that! I live it. My husband and I teach it to our children. And we try to defend the sanctity of marriage and family whenever we can. After reading The Family Proclamation President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “The strength of any nation is rooted within the walls of its homes. We urge our people everywhere to strengthen their families in conformity with these time-honored values.”
Ever wonder why our economy is in shambles? Because our homes are in shambles. Economy, when reduced to its Greek roots* means “the principles to maintain our house.” What are those principles? The time-tested values of marriage, family, fidelity, chastity, virtue, love.
I encourage everyone to read the proclamation again and again. It truly is an inspired document. I can also see that our religion is not the only one who realizes that traditional marriage and family, and the roles wives and husbands have in those relationships is under attack. That is why we are seeing movies such as Fireproof and Courageous being produced. We can work together, in fact have worked together – to defend marriage and family. The last paragraph of the proclamation reads “We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”
I encourage you, wherever you are, whatever nation you live in, whatever your religion may be to defend marriage, defend family. Strengthen your own marriage and family today and every day. We can make a difference in our own spheres of influence.
* eco – oikos – family organization or the house; nomy – nomos – act, law, or principle
{I do have to put comment moderation on at times, especially when a post seems to be “controversial” but it is my blog and I do have the right to filter the comments. I don’t mind if you disagree but I do care about common courtesy and decency. No name calling or hostile comments will be allowed.}
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I am standing and clapping and shoutine “YES”.
I did a post along these lines last week – The shambles that the world is in makes my head hurt.
I saw this article from the Times and another one from a different newspaper that stated that “The New norm is single motherhood” and went on to tell about how women don’t really need men anymore because they can make their own money – yada yada yada.
The world is definately off track and on a collision course to something not good. We see it, some of us recognize it, the majority does not – It is scary.
You are right we need to defend Marraige.
Great post and well said!
Thank you
Amen to all of it. And I love that picture too.
I especially loved the parallels with the economy. Something I have never known, makes so much more sense now.
I am constantly amazed and sad when I see the state of families now.
What a beautifully written post Montse, thank you so much for sharing it.
I am so glad to read this. I often feel alone in my defense for the family. I agree with economy thing too. The book of Mormon talks about that a lot. “if ye are righteous ye will prosper in the land” The alternative is to be “cut off from My presence”.
Well said, Montse! I appreciated this post very much!
Well said. I appreciate the connection to “economy.”
We just bought both Courageous and Fireproof, and they are by far my two favorite movies of all time, probably just behind The Testaments, and Legacy (maybe even more my favorite than Legacy).
I think part of the issue with women having children out of wedlock comes (ironically) from the feminist idea – “I can do things on my own, without a man!” But by nature we are not meant to be alone – we cannot procreate without the other gender – no matter where you get the parts from, one comes from a man, and one comes from a woman. You can’t do it any other way. When you look at the way God created us as human beings, it just makes sense that a child needs a mom and a dad – it needed those two things in order to get its biological start, so what makes us think that we know better than God, and the only need for both genders is to start the biological process, and not continue the growing processes under the care of both genders? It’s just amazing to me that in a society so rife with “science says this” and “science says that” we feel like it’s somehow normal to do anything other than raise children with a man and a woman. When we can’t even make children without vital components of a man and a woman.
*end rant*
Thanks as well for posting the two different definitions. A little disheartening to see the decline of the family spelled out so “officially”.
Good thing there are amazing people like you and your readers defending family! I stand with you!
AMEN!!!
I just posted a President’s Day blog about how this country was founded by men of great valor, strength, and so many other discriptive words and yet we don’t find that today. Our forefathers risked thier very lives in the defense of the right and today we have – to be honest – politicians out for thier own validation, agenda and misguided ethics. Where are the leaders like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson? They are all around! There is a saying that I love and I can’t remember who said it but it states that the evil will win when good men do nothing! You are absolutely right – we need to defend marriage and what it stands for!
My father always told me that women having children outside of wedlock was like a disease. In 1993, when I left on my mission I said to the girls I worked with in the day care center when a couple they knew “had” to get married, that I wanted to do it right. What’s right, they said? Marriage first, then a baby. That was foreign to them and totally acceptable these days. Sad.
What a wonderful post! I didn’t realize how much the official definition of marriage had changed. The more that God is taken out of things, the worse off things get. Thanks for sharing this!
Welcome to the real world, twits. It’s obvious that only uneducated, unattractive women think the way you do. You “womean” leave everything to your husbands and lose your identity as strong, intelligent women to preserve some “marriage” philosophy backed by a fictional “god” character that you apparently all believe in. Women are strong, smart, resourceful beings, even the ones who have children born out of your institution of “wedlock”. You’re reading the wrong studies. I guess I have the “disadvantage” of living up north and not in the “redneck” south that still believes in creationism and where my PhD in Virology would be laughed at. Women who have children born out of wedlock still have well adjusted, intelligent, and overall happy offspring. You better double check ladies, your “husbands” are cheating on you. Enjoy setting women’s rights back 50 years.
The reasons I am leaving this comment up:
1) Apparently anonymous is too scared to be anything but anonymous
2) To show very bad debate form. Calling names just discredits the individual calling them as they can’t think of anything else to say to back up their claims.
3) To show that internet trolls do come through the blog every once in a while.
4) It provides a good laugh!
It is unfortunate that in our society, men have been abusive to the point where a woman loses her identity as strong or intelligent enough to get,say, a PhD in Virology. It is unfortunate many cannot comprehend of another lifestyle or definition of “identity” other than their own.
I completely understand where Anonymous is coming from. Many women are fighting against a controlling, abusive situation. For them, the institution of marriage is a prison. A hell. Funny, the new definition of marriage is actually the one that sets women’s rights backward. Nowhere in the new definition is the idea that marriage should make a man responsible for the happiness of his wife. Talk about a setback!
We realize that women with children born out of wedlock are strong, resourceful, and capable. All of us grew up looking at magazine covers of “Murphy Brown.” All of us know lovely, resourceful, smart women who choose this lifestyle or have it thrust upon them by circumstance.
But, we also acknowledge the resourceful and brilliant women who choose to live countercultural to this trend. They are few, because, to be honest, there are few men who are willing and courageous enough to actually take responsibility for happiness of their wife, fidelity, and children (yes, that was plural!), within the bounds of a marriage that attempts to reach the divinity within all of us.
Sounds like an impossible fairy tale to someone who has seen the dark side of marriage with the flames of hell as a counterpoint to the sparks of divinity in the one I am talking about.
It is not always possible to live the fairy tale–and there are few men (and, apparently, women), who are willing to take this kind of leap of faith, not only in themselves, but most terrifying of all, faith in each other.
I am thankful that society is accepting of tough situations that face people, but I think it’s discouraging that society also seems to have given in to the idea that men are jerks and therefore can’t be trusted, and that men, knowing this, settle for being louts rather than real men, and here is where we all end up.
Whether we have children or not, our identity can be defined by our ability to nurture and the unique “mother traits” that we believe our so-called “fictional God character” gave us. If we are in a healthy relationship, we will never lose our identity, whether we have a PhD or pregnancy, a Harvard education or an education of hard knocks.
Women are all inherently nurturing, compassionate souls. And, deep down, we all crave the ability not only to nurture others, but to be the recipient of kindness, and of a protector–not because we can’t learn kung fu and kick someone’s rear, but because we want to open our hearts, and when a woman opens her mother’s heart, there must be someone there to protect her, because by that very act, she is completely vulnerable.
The opening of a mother heart is one of the greatest achievements of human kind. So sad that women cannot fully open themselves up for fear of being crushed by the wicked world (and they would!), because they have not yet found a man worthy enough and brave enough to stand by her and be her wall.
Talk about setting women’s rights backward! If we don’t have the right to open up our mother heart, what other rights even matter?
Part of this right was given to us through the institution of marriage, in which a man, especially, committed to give his all for the happiness of his wife, and the love of his children. Sure, it’s an ideal that we hardly can imagine is possible, but it is possible, and it does happen. And not just with rednecks.
I am from Northern Virginia, and very well-educated (although I did live in the South for some time, and while there may be rednecks there, they can sure cook some of the best food on the planet…so..let’s not be dissing the rednecks. 🙂
Apparently it takes more than a Ph.D. to understand the research that’s been done on this topic. Opinions are opinions, but facts are facts. It goes to show, once again, that the claims in the Family Proclamation have statistical evidence to back them up.
Couldn’t agree more. I was thinking about all this sort of thing today when I read a really disappointing post here
http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2012/02/religious-zealots-try-to-impose-their.html
It made me so sad to see the lack of understanding about what will bring true happiness and prosperity.
Wow, what incredibly brilliant timing. I’m in the midst of drafting some posts about marriage and the problem I have with members of the church feeling like same-sex marriage is ok. I can tell you, I’ve been re-writing word over and over, trying to get my point clear, with as little contention as possible. I may reference this post, if that’s ok …
(ps. I’ve change blog names, so be sure to update your Reader, blog roll, etc)
I was going to post this anyway but now I’ll add that @anonymous might especially interested to read this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/marriage-suits-educated-women.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&smid=fb-share) which notes that educated women are more likely to get married and to stay married. The idea that strong, intelligent women are giving up their identity by entering into a loving partnership with a man is ridiculous, and obviously it is factually discredited.
I never comment on blogs but I couldn’t help myself this once. Becky Rose, your comment brought tears to my eyes. I just have to say, I am not a disease. I found myself at age 18, very trusting, naive and scared, pregnant and my baby’s father just walked away. Key words here, I was a kid! Were these ideal circumstances, of course not. But I had my son and made a promise to him the day he was born that I would always provide the best for him and we would be okay and I did and we are. Again, we are not a disease. I am truly thankful and blessed that he came into my life when he did as I have not been able to have any more. He is now 28 and a very successful attorney and I could not be more proud. I could not have done this without the help of my father who provided unconditional love and support and stepped in when my son needed him for father/son outings. We were LDS and the way I was treated, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. My dad always and gently reminded me to hold my head high no matter what and that’s what I did. If anyone at church had ever referred to me as a “disease” they would have had to deal with my dad. So Becky Rose, I sincerely hope that if you ever have a daughter, sister, niece, a young woman in your ward that you’ve taught, etc., and finds herself in an unfortunate situation that she will not be referred to as a disease. Sometimes we make poor choices and yes, have to live with those consequences and as my beloved dad (who has since passed) always reminded me, it’s how we rise above it and make things right that count. Looks like I beat that “disease”! As much as I’ve enjoyed reading this blog and finding so much inspiration in the wonderful ideas, recipes, photos and crafts, and I know this means absolutely nothing to anyone out there, I can no longer bring myself to read it.
After I walked away from this comment thread this morning, the thought came to my mind that of course, women who find themselves raising children without the support of a husband, can still raise children successfully. Of course they can, especially when they rely on other strong family ties and the principles of the gospel. After seeing this comment now, I wish I’d said that “out loud.” It’s not the ideal, and I think most single mothers acknowledge that themselves. Fathers (or mothers) who walk out on children will certainly answer to God for that. The principle of marriage is sacred, and individuals and families that treat it as such have an extra measure of protection. Mistakes are made, and if we actually believe in Jesus Christ, we know they can be overcome. I think it’s still important to proclaim the ideal of healthy, sacred marriages and work towards that for ourselves and our children.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I do have a couple of friends who also were in a similar situation as yours. After several years one was able to find a wonderful man to marry and went on to raise a family and have a good marriage. The other has had to carry on in as a single mother, but has had the support from her parents as you have. She tells everyone she can though, that it is NOT the ideal and she still hopes to find someone to marry someday.
As you, I do hope that no one, especially young women who are not married, pregnant, and scared are referred to as a disease. Yes, they have made mistakes but haven’t we all?
There are single mothers who do beat the odds and raise very wonderful children, as you have shared here, just as there are also families who fail, where marriages fall apart and families are broken up. No one is denying that. That doesn’t mean, though, that we stop trying for the ideal, nor that we stop teaching and defending it.
I laugh at the first anonymous post. Just reading your blog would tell her you have in NO way lost yourself. Why can’t we choose to stay at home & have children? Well stated. Thanks for this post.
To the Anonymous that left the last comment,
I took what Becky Rose said in a different way than you did. She didn’t say the individuals were a disease. I took what she said to mean it keeps spreading and begins to be the norm-like a disease. I am sure that you were judged harshly and I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is a reminder to me that the church is true but the people aren’t…You should be proud of your son and the job you did raising him in a less than perfect situation. It is wonderful that you had your father to step in and help you by being that positive male role model. The problem in our society today is that it doesn’t usually turn out so well. I am so glad you shared your experience because I think we can all learn from the mistakes of others-those people should have supported you rather than judged you.
Amen to this post Cocoa! It makes my heart hurt to know that people that don’t believe marriage matters (the 1st anonymous) and that they think so poorly of those of us who do. Does she spend her time searching for posts about it? (I don’t have time to search out blogs that I don’t agree with and post rude comments!) Does she think that her views will change ours? I can’t help but think she must have had a bad experience with a man in a relationship or growing up. Why else would she say our “husbands” are cheating on us? Sad that she doesn’t have the opportunity to be around real men because they are out there and they have more respect for woman than the ones she spends time with. I am so glad that you wrote this post! You are amazing and I am thankful that your are my blog friend because you inspire me to do more and be a better voice for the truth. 🙂
Comment from Facebook:
Thanks for the post Montse. I see this all the time at the preschool level and the extremely sad/infuriating thing is many of these young women are encouraged not to wed with the reasoning that any state help they receive might be taken away by the addition of a husband’s income. So many sad circumstances where the children do not know what it is like to have a father AND a mother around.
Corinne
Thanks for this. I have been thinking a lot about marriage and and the importance of it. In my home town, this past weekend, a young boy shot and killed his father. A few years earlier, his mom left for one reason or another and as a result this young boy did not want anything to do with her. It has made me think more about the sacredness of marriage and the role of a mother in helping create a loving home for our children. As well as letting go of our selfishness and serving our family members to the fullest and make them happy. If we do this, we will in turn be happy and our family members will want to make us happy too. A full circle. Who knows how things would have turned out for this young boy and his father, had his mother chosen to stay and nurture the marriage and her son. But I think things would have turned out differently.
I also want to give a shout out to those amazing mothers and fathers who do find themselves parenting alone for one reason or another. May God continue to bless and guide you as you do your very best to be both the mother and father.
(Also I do realize that there is a cause for divorce at times, but I hope that it is a very last resort.)
I don’t normally comment on posts, but saw this interesting set of articles from the Deseret News (posted by a friend on FB) that shows an alarming trend happening to boys due to less father involvement, that is affecting so many aspects of their growth and maturity.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765552031/The-war-on-boys-young-men-are-facing-a-new-crisis.html?pg=1
http://www.deseretnews.com/m/article/765552356
Not sure how to create these as links…
Thank you so much for articulating my exact feelings about defending marriage and family in today’s culture. I wish so badly that I had been blessed with the gift of words so that I can teach others who are looking and defend vocally with no fear. My feelings are strong thouh and I support marriage (the true definition) in any way that I can by financial support, getting involved with political issues and being a good example to others around me. I live in California near the bay area. As you can imagine, the climate around here for traditional marriage is not good. I am seen as a hater and a bigot for not supporting same sex marriage. Children are being taught in the schools to honor alternative lifestyles, etc. etc. Thank you and AMEN to all you have said because you are a mouthpiece for those of us who do not have the gift of the language as you do. Here is the quote that one commenter above was looking for:Edmund Burke’s famous quote, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”
Just wanted to say I loved this post!
Thank you for this post. I enjoyed it and you articulated so well why the family as defined in the proclamation is truly central to God’s government.