If there is one thing I hope people visiting my blog know about me it is this: Motherhood is a joy and a gift in my life, even through the ugly days.
I have known when it was time for each of my children to join our family. It is amazing to me how similar, yet different, each of their births have been. I have learned that though they come from the same gene pool they are each unique with talents and abilities God has bestowed upon them. Motherhood is hard. Knowing what to do, what to teach, how to teach, when to teach is hard. Through it all I have learned that first and foremost they are the Lord’s. And because they are His He will help me.
The Gift of Giving Life is a new book which shares the experiences of many women as they journey through pregnancy and birth, relying on spiritual guidance to help them in their choices, whatever those choices may be. It is so wonderful to read these amazing stories that draw us together as women, as mothers. I have asked Sheridan, one of the book’s authors, to write a guest post for today. I hope you make her feel welcome!
I am excited to be doing a guest post as part of the Virtual Book Tour for The Gift of Giving Life. My name is Sheridan Ripley. I am one of the co-authors of the book and a Hypnobabies Childbirth Educator and a Birth Doula, I also blog at Enjoy Birth.
Personal Inspiration for Each Family
In the March Ensign I read an interesting article called Follow the Prophet by Elder Randall K. Bennett. In it he explains how while listening to the prophets and apostles during General Conference both he and his wife were inspired to return their engagement ring so they could use that money to start their food supply. Neither wanted to offend the other by suggesting it, but both were so impressed at the need to they finally did only to find each had felt the same impression.
“But the prompting each of us had felt was too strong to ignore, and the more each of us thought about it, the more glaring that diamond ring became. When Shelley raised the subject a few days after Christmas, I was relieved that she had arrived at the same conclusion I had.”
What is your first reaction to reading this? Are you quick to judge this couple for following a spiritual prompting? Are you feeling judged because you didn’t get the same prompting? Do you feel the need to defend yourself for having an engagement ring? Or are you just supportive of their choice?
“Please don’t misunderstand me and please don’t sell your rings! … the Spirit had directed US to follow the prophet by selling our engagement ring, in our case the choice was between keeping the ring and following the prophet. This helped us establish two patterns in our home from the very beginning: following the prophet and following the personal, spiritual promptings we received.”
This couple had many different responses, from support to outrage. But they stood strong, knowing that they were doing what was best for them! They didn’t judge others and they rejected others judgment.
“…they told us we were crazy. Other women Shelley’s age couldn’t believe she’d been willing to do what she had done. Very few were encouraging or supportive. Shelley was strong and knew that she would be OK no matter what people thought; she had confidence in knowing that she was following the prophet.”
Personally when I read this article it was with interest and I found it easy to accept their decision. I didn’t judge it and I didn’t feel judged that I had kept my ring. It just reinforced that we can receive revelation to guide our families. It won’t be right for everyone, but it can be right for us.
Inspiration for Birth?
I have spent the past few years co-authoring a book about spirituality and birth called The Gift of Giving Life. Approaching birth from a spiritual perspective can help end the judgment regarding a woman’s birth choices.
Sadly in some arenas it is as if there is a birthing war going on.
Why are we so quick to judge others in the birthing choices they make? Isn’t birth just as worthy a topic to receive revelation on as food storage is?
Of course it is! The gift of giving life is one of the most precious responsibilities we have. We can expect to get spiritual guidance along the way.
I think part of the reason birth creates so much drama is that it is of such importance in God’s plan. Satan wants us to be confused about the topic and so creates this type of contention.
Robyn (a fellow co-author) said on a post recently on our blog: “Really it is Satan’s deceptive plan to undermine womanhood and motherhood in any form (see Revelations 12). He wants to take away its value in any way possible.”
War of any kind whether it is between countries or between birth choices is going to create conflict and fear and that will drive away the spirit. Which in turn undermines motherhood!
What is the simple solution to ending this war? In the Prophetic words of President Uchtdorf
“Stop It!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters”
Each family has the right to receive spiritual guidance on what type of birth is best for THEM.
For some moms an elective cesarean is the best choice. For some moms an unassisted birth is the best choice. For some moms scheduling an induction is the best choice. I really loved when Cocoa shared her birth story about Ganache where she had first hand experience of this herself.
Miracle #2: There was a tight knot in Ganache’s umbilical cord that we did not know about. It could have proven potentially fatal for him had we decided not to be induced on Monday and waited for his due date of July 25th. This, especially, made me realize how very precious and miraculous it is that so many births go “right” when they very easily could go so “wrong.” It also helped confirm that our decision to be induced on Monday was the right one, even though in the end he came on his own.
It isn’t for us to decide or judge a mom for her choices regarding her pregnancy and birth! It is for us to love and support.
Loving and Supporting All Moms
This is why in our book The Gift of Giving Life we support all moms and all birthing types. There are birth stories of elective cesareans, unassisted births, medicated and un-medicated births. But in all of the stories there is a thread of inspiration guiding these moms.
There is no one right answer for everyone. The only way for a mom to find the right answer is through information and inspiration. As Sisters in Christ let us be open to the spirituality of birth, however that “looks”. So we can support each other as we fulfill this invaluable role as mothers in the plan of salvation.
Visit The Gift of Giving Life site to sign up for our newsletter and to receive a free Meditation MP3 as well as tips to help increase spirituality in your pregnancy and birth.
For Cocoa’s readers I have a coupon code for 10% off a copy of The Gift of Giving Life. Click here and after you add the book to your cart use this coupon code. GWFWXR3F The code is good until Father’s Day 2012. Enjoy!
What a beautiful post!! I get so tired of all the judgement that surrounds women and the ways they choose to give birth. I was very naive when I had my first child and never considered anything other than the usual vaginal delivery with an epidural- in my mind that was just how it was done. As the years went by I became more familiar with other methods and I felt a lot of pressure from others to explore the options of doulas and midwives and all-natural deliveries, but in my heart I couldn’t help but think, “Yeah, those sound good…but what was wrong with the way I did it the first time?” Even as I learned about the pros and cons of each option, I ended up with the conclusion that ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. I really liked my doctor, my first delivery had gone very smoothly and the epidural kept me comfortable enough to enjoy the whole process and feel “present”, and so I chose to do the exact same thing with my next two babies. I am now about 7 weeks from delivery with my 4th and my doctor is like a second father to me now. I know that he’s familiar with me and my family and that he will make sure that my baby and I are well-cared for.
I have had many friends who have had c-sections and I have had friends who have gone all-natural, and as far as I’m concerned, as long as the baby comes out and mom and baby are both happy and healthy, it’s a great success.
I will be sharing this post on facebook and pinterest- I think it is so important for us to stop judging and start supporting one another in motherhood!!
Kasey – That is great. I love your point – ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” It sounds like you have a great births. I think having a really supportive care provider you can trust is one of the big keys to that and you have found one that has helped you through all your births. That is so great! I wish all moms had that. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing! I am days away from giving birth and I truly do try to rely on the spirit. But what I am even more impressed with is how I need to not judge others for the choices they make in giving birth. I say that I don’t judge them but then I also say choosing a c-section is copping out unless you have a medical reason. That is juding them! Thanks so much for the reminder to not judge!
Emily,
It is hard to not judge. I catch myself doing it way too often. Luckily I am pretty good at thinking before I speak and I find as I take time to ponder what I am thinking, I SEE that I am judging and I ask for help to let it go. But, it isn’t always easy. 🙂
So true! I feel like judging is one of my biggest issues right now (for years). And thankfully I keep my mouth shut most of the time and then realize how harsh I am judging and would not want to be judged that way.
This is so beautiful.
I was blessed to have 3 children from my own womb, but then all of a sudden I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. The backlash and judgment from that was astounding to me.
We are in the process of adopting children and again, the backlash is hurtful.
You so beautifully wrote out what I wish I could say. Your book looks like a wonderful read.
I am so sorry for the loss of your uterus and ESPECIALLY sorry that you didn’t get only support and love from your situation. I wish you luck in your adoption journey! Hugs, Sheridan
I haven’t been brave enough to buy this book and read it yet because I have been worried about it having a strong “natural birth” slant as it is written by midwives, doulas, etc. I am all for avoiding judging the birth decisions of others, so I’ve been worried that this book would irritate me with bias. Maybe I’ll give it a chance. ( : Inspiration is absolutely the most important thing when making a decision about where to give birth and what kind of medical help to have. Education is a close second after that for me.
Holly,
I will admit that the book started as a more natural childbirth book, but as we wrote and gathered birth stories and prayed we came to realize that wasn’t what it was to be about at all. We came to realize that ALL births can be sacred experiences and that we needed a book that would support all moms in this.
By the time the book was complete it was no longer a natural childbirth book – it was a spiritual childbirth book. We have birth stories and information for moms from planned cesareans to epidural births to unassisted births. But all are good choices for that mom, because she was inspired to do so!
I really want moms to know that this book is for EVERYONE.
Thanks for your comment, because I got to help clarify that. 🙂
Sheridan
Although my youngest is twelve and there are no plans for me to have any more children I enjoyed your post. I like the challenge to ‘stop it’ when it comes to judging others and their decisions when it comes to having babies. Thank you.
I was aware of this book project early, with the initial call for entries. I appreciate the things you said here about not judging others, as that is very needful, however that is not how this project came across to me at all. Maybe that is because, as you noted, the focus changed over the course of it. I remember the calls towards the end asking for more submissions from moms who had medicated births, noting “we don’t have as many of those as we want, of course we don’t believe that’s because women who have medicated births just don’t have spiritual experiences in relation to them. . . we just aren’t sure why.”
I think it’s because you were still just shy of the mark. I consciously chose not to share my stories in that forum because they were still being categorized. I don’t think of my first two births as , “medicated births”–they were just “births.” Miraculous and ennobling just as my third birth was.
Good luck with your project–it looks like it is and will be appreciated by many women.
We did have a need of more medicated stories and maybe it was because at first the focus seemed to be more naturally minded, so those were the type of stories we got at first. It is hard not to classify birth stories when we were searching for certain types towards the end. BUT I agree ideally we would see births as just “births” regardless of how or where they happened. Amazing and wonderful.
I am a birth doula and have attended over 30 births and I used to do statistics where I would label births, medicated – unmedicated, etc. Now I don’t even do statistics, I just care about if mom is happy with how her birth went. It was a shift in my thinking that needed to be happen and I am glad it did. 🙂
I meant to add, that I think part of what helped me make that shift was working on the book and really thinking about and praying about what a birth is. What makes it miraculous, etc. So as the Lord guided us to change the books focus, I think we all (the authors) started to change our thinking as well.
Jeanette,
It is nice to know you have been with us from the start! The project really under went a shift over the three plus years we have worked on it. We initially received more natural spiritual stories but then we started to get quite a few from c-section moms and mothers who gave birth in lots of different ways. We realized that we really wanted a birth book where– no matter what a woman’s situation– she would find “herself” in the book. Since most of the birth blogs and networks we were connected to were mainly women with natural birth backgrounds we tried to put out a call to “fish” for other stories so that we could get a wider sample of stories. As a result we were able to share stories from women who have birthed in every sort of situations. We really tried not to classify the stories, but to just share women’s experiences.
Our hope isn’t to convince anyone to birth a certain way, just hopefully to change their perspective about birth. That it is a spiritual even first and then a physical one.
Just have to add my two cents here. The book is a beautiful collection of birth stories – all types – from c-section, to medicated, to unmedicated. They aren’t divided as such in the book. Each essay is written by the women who experienced them. They are moving and truly testify of the spiritual nature of birth.
It was really neat to figure out where in the book to put each story and it wasn’t by “type”, but rather by experience. So if a woman had an experience during birth that helped her appreciate the Atonement, we put it in that section. Or if a mom had an experience that helped her appreciate her ancestors we put her story in that section.
It was amazing and wonderful to see all the different birth stories and how varied each woman’s spiritual experiences were.
hey, my cousin is the adult hand, and her daughter is the baby. nice to see them!