How many times have you wondered if what you are doing, the choices you make now, are having any effect on others? Are others really watching how you handle your children or run your household? Do they really take notice of the good things {and maybe the bad!} that you are trying to accomplish? At the end of a hectic, frenzied day do you feel that whatever you did get done was really a complete waste?
I have a personal story to share. It was a totally unexpected comment that made my day and my husband’s too!
On Facebook a couple of weeks ago, one mother was lamenting about how hard it is with so many children and feeling looked down upon by others who don’t have large families. She was feeling quite frustrated. This was a response from a grandmother to this mother:
President Gordon B. Hinckley’s sister, Sylvia, lived in the small town that I grew up in. She was extremely brilliant and was the Valedictorian at BYU when she graduated. She could have done anything or been anything in this world. She was a shining example to me all of my growing up years. She had 11 children, married to a farmer, and she died of cancer in the late sixties when her youngest child was 8 years old.
A neat and tidy, very kindly sister from the ward came over to Sylvia’s home to help out one day.*** She went to the kitchen and thought that she would start with the dishes. Milk buckets and strainers, piles of dishes were everywhere. Too discouraged to help with that, she went to the laundry, unbelievable amounts of dirty clothes met her. Then she thought that she could iron some clothes—yes, this was in the days of ironing! Piles and piles of unironed clothes! Too overwhelmed, she went to the mending. Again, too much to even contemplate. I am unsure how many chores overwhelmed her, but she left having done nothing to help. This has always been my favorite Relief Society story about serving each other!
But at Sylvia’s funeral, both President Hinckley and President Kimball spoke. They told of what a perfect example of womanhood she was. They said that her reward was assured because she put having children and raising them with firm testimonies above all else. President Hinckley went so far as to say that other women had not made that sacrifice and choice and had put lovely homes and calmer lives ahead of that greater and far more important choice. I don’t remember their exact words as this was a long time ago, but the message was clear. Choosing a large family is choosing chaos and humility by being looked down upon, but it is also choosing life in a righteous family for Heavenly Father’s beloved spirit children. It is the same choice Adam and Eve made in the garden—perfect, orderly life vs. chaos and trials. They made the right choice and we do too, when we choose family first.
Chin up, you are all doing a great work, the most vital work that we are ever to do during our life on earth. Family is what it is all about.
My husband never knew his grandmother, Sylvia. She died in 1970 from breast cancer leaving eleven children, the youngest almost eight years old. We know from stories and pictures that she was lovely, kind, patient, and human. When she married and moved to the little town of Panaca, NV she cried when it came into view. It was a wasteland, a desert, with no trees, so different from her beloved Utah home. And yet, she went to work and made it a home to love.
Did Sylvia know in those chaotic days that there was a young woman watching her? Did she realize how much her children adored her? So much that seven of the eleven would name a daughter after her?
I don’t know if she ever did. How could she know that her posterity would grow from her 11 children to 107 grandchildren, and even more great-grandchildren {into the 200s}. Of course family knows how wonderful she was. And now because of the random comment of a stranger we know that to ONE outside of family she did make a difference. Just living her beautiful chaotic life influenced another. What a grand legacy!
What you do now does matter, even if you don’t see the rewards right away. You may never know how your life has touched someone else’s. But it does, and it will.
Chin up, you are all doing a great work, the most vital work that we are ever to do during our life on earth. Family is what it is all about.
***From some of the comments that have been left it looks like I need to add an explanation here. The help Sylvia received came when she was dealing with all the effects of chemo and other treatments trying to fight breast cancer. She did keep an orderly home and her children and husband did help. But as anyone who has dealt with a loved one fighting cancer knows it is very draining and tiring and physically impossible for the one fighting the cancer to do much. Don {the father} still had to work, the three oldest were married by this time and living in different towns, and the older children did what they could while still going to high school and helping to care for all the other children. This just shows me how humble Sylvia was or had to be to accept help.
Thank you for your story of that lovely woman with 11 children! My goodness, the patience she must have had! I have 5 and extras, and I do get frustrated at times. I do agree that it seems that no one notices what I do day to day to keep up the house and raise my family. Sometimes I do wonder if it really matters. ~ Thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks for this story. And wow your husband looks like his grandfather.
Doesn’t he though? Out of all the children and grandchildren he looks like his grandfather the most. Even his aunts and uncles comment on how much he looks like their dad.
Cocoa….what a great story!! We all so need that kind of encouragement! I am always so grateful when I hear stories of other mothers (with many or few children) who periodically, or even most of the time, have some difficulty keeping the house. I am constantly overwhelmed by the amount of work a large family is. I can manage everyone’s emotions and schedules, homework, friends, callings, etc…but sometimes (most times) I really struggle to help everyone keep on top of everything, especially the housework and I pretty much just gave up on keeping up the yard. The front yard looks great…the backyard, not so much. Anyway, I’ll just keep working in the chaos and know that there is plenty of love to go around 🙂
What a great story! Your husband looks JUST like “Dad” in the picture 🙂
He sure does! Funny what genes come through and when.
This is such a beautiful and inspiring story. Thanks for sharing that…I feel blessed to have read it.
May I also add about the blessings of a “larger family”. Not everyone is blessed with the opportunity to have many kids. I may have a larger home due to the size of my small family– but I would have easily traded it for being able to have more kids. Instead, I didn’t find my sweetheart until I was older and I had difficulties with infertility on top of that. I am lucky to have the two I have– they are truly miracles. Everyone’s life journey is different. It is important to realize the blessings amongst the frustrations and hardship.
Most definitely! Which is why I really appreciated the last couple of sentences of the comment that was left.
“It is the same choice Adam and Eve made in the garden—perfect, orderly life vs. chaos and trials. They made the right choice and we do too, when we choose family first.
Chin up, you are all doing a great work, the most vital work that we are ever to do during our life on earth. Family is what it is all about.”
It is in choosing family first, whether we are blessed with a big one or a small one or even live as a single, that we are blessed.
I have several aunts who never had the opportunity to marry but they have chosen family first by serving extended family. They have filled in the gaps where I lack and I love them so much for it!
I only have four, so I feel inadequate to comment….but I won’t let it stop me! Just today, I posted about stopping all the chores to play tea party. After reading this, I’ll look very differently at the toppling stack of clothing waiting to meet the iron…
Tremendous story, thanks for sharing! It’s great to know that a woman, whose house was such a disaster that someone who came to help was overwhelmed, was nevertheless called a perfect example of womanhood by two of the greatest people alive (at the time).
I get so overwhelmed and the idea of expanding my family is heartbreaking at times. But this inspires me to take a second thought. Giving children–however many we are blessed with–a happy home where they can build testimonies is more important than giving them a beautiful or even somewhat tidy home.
Ditto to all the comments that your hubby looks like his grandfather. Wow! I love the idea of putting children first, but I don’t think I could live peacefully in a messy house. Maybe that’s a fault of mine. I am not saying that this mother didn’t teach her children to clean, but I do think that we can have an orderly home and teach our children to have it be so right along with us, as you do, it sounds like. Sorry, I don’t mean to take away from the message of not minding what other people think and putting family first. I’m feeling defensive about my clean and tidy inclinations. Perhaps I should examine them deeper. 🙂
I’m pretty sure the messy house came when she started all the treatments for dealing with her cancer but she insisted her daughters continue going to school and getting an education rather than staying home to clean the house, which is why someone came in to help but got overwhelmed with it all. ☺ So no need to worry about having a nice and tidy house with children working alongside you! It means you are healthy and able to do that.
I see, thank you for the clarification. I’ll have to watch myself and make sure I don’t judge others, just roll up my sleeves and help as I can.
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I don’t think Sylvia’s house was always disorderly. As I pointed out in a previous comment the help came later when she was having to deal with all the chemo and treatment for breast cancer. I know you dealt with cancer as a teen {or were you younger?} so imagine the tiredness and all those side effects while still having many children at home to take care of. She couldn’t have cleaned even if she wanted to. It was physically impossible. Which shows me how humble she was or had to be to have others coming in to try and do that work. I know her daughters helped tremendously but they also had their schooling to attend to as well as help with the younger ones. Three of the children were married at this point too and lived in different towns. Hmmm… looks like I should go and add that to the post so people don’t think she wasn’t a good housekeeper!
I’ll try again, my comment was a total tangent and didn’t make a lot of sense. It was obvious to me that Sylvia must have been having trouble keeping up because of her illness and that was why the woman was there to “help.” How humbling that must have been for her.
I think what I was really trying to say is that I really admire women like Sylvia, or my mother who has 10 children, or you Cocoa with your almost 10 children. I am obsessive compulsive and have such a hard time embracing the chaos with only 4 children. Yet, I know children are more important that a “perfect” life, so I hope to be able to let go some of my OCD tendencies and make peace with the chaos.
I really liked this part of the story:
“Choosing a large family is choosing chaos and humility by being looked down upon, but it is also choosing life in a righteous family for Heavenly Father’s beloved spirit children. It is the same choice Adam and Eve made in the garden—perfect, orderly life vs. chaos and trials. They made the right choice and we do too, when we choose family first.”
I hope to have the courage to take the chaos and trials that come with having a family- maybe even a large family someday- as you and Sylvia and many other do. No matter the size of the family- I’m sure we can all choose to embrace the chaos to make room for what’s really important.
Silvia would never have known that one day you’d share this about her and it would make an impact on someone like me! What a neat woman and family.
Sorry for the tangential, wacky comment before!
I can’t say enough about how much I admire your blog (and therefore you!). You’ve provided the tools and inspiration all in one place to start some wonderful traditions with my young family. Just what I needed! I look forward to the new family series. Thank you so much for your thoughts and sharing your work!
Thank you for this post! I really needed it today! I have had a hard time getting “back Into the swing of things” after having baby #6 a couple of months ago. This was another gentle reminder to put my family first. As long as we are doing our best in our struggles and trials, which we all have and are different for each of us, and put our trust and faith in God, all will be made right through Jesus Christ! Thanks again for this story!
I only have 3, and I struggle with keeping a tidy house. We all have our struggles and the fact that my house has clutter sometimes makes me feel like a bad mom. But I love my children with all my heart and I know that they know that. So when I feel down about not being “enough” as a housekeeper I will remember this story and how today it made me feel good enough. Thank you
I appreciate all you contribute with this blog! I am one of 9 but only have 3 & always wanted at least 5 or more. I love seeing large families & will often approach & ask if they are all theirs. I then quickly add a kind comment because I believe there is something special about those parents that allow so many spirits join their family. I am not saying that those that choose not to are any less admired, but maybe for me coming from a large family, seeing other large families brings me back to some sweet memories. I love that story & such a sweet memory for your husband to take now.
Thanks for the story! And what a beautiful picture!! One that I have not ever seen!! I would love if you could send it to me (after you take plenty of time with your sweet little baby) lvbleaks@hotmail.com Thanks so much ~ and congrats on your beautiful little boy!