When my oldest was six I had my fifth child. As I think back about what those days were like I realize how much work it was but also how fun it was. We have several home videos from that era and it really amazes me at how clean our house actually was and that my children were dressed and had their hair combed most days. I remember sitting down one day at the kitchen table and writing out what skills I wanted my children to know when it was time for them to leave home. The list was so long! I realized I needed to commit myself to helping them even if it meant things would get done more slowly and sloppily than I would like. And then I had to learn patience, over and over and over again. But guess what? It worked. Now years down the road I can see the fruits of my labors and boy is it ever sweet!
Instead of repeating myself I’ll just share links to a couple of past posts that detail how I did things when my children were all under the age of eight.
Toddlers, Babies, and Schooling, Oh My! While it dealt mainly with homeshooling the same tips applied to other areas of our lives as well.
Rocks, Pebbles, Sand and Structures – Learning to prioritize what is truly important
Age Appropriate Chores/Skills – How and when I teach new skills to my children
I asked a few mothers their tips on surviving when all the children are younger than eight. Some are right in the midst of it, while others have older children, like I do, who help tremendously. As you read their suggestions you’ll find some similarities, those tried and true tips that seem to work every time. You’ll also notice new suggestions you may not have thought of that might help in your particular situation.
Courtney {mother of six, 6 and under}: Since I have 6 in 6 years here are my survival tips:
1) routines; rest times, nap times, meal times, bed times.
2) clean up messes as they happen, wiping hands when they leave the table keeps me from scrubbing walls, I clean the bathroom while kids are in the tub, I do lunch dishes while the kids are eating or right after.
3) assign toys, I get out a box or two at a time. Some at in the play kitchen and others can play a game. If I am doing School with some I assign the others something to do. They can either play with what I assign or go hang out in their room.
And lastly I try to group things together, diapers at the same time, brush teeth, get dressed, fix hair …. I love having my home filled with littles.
Amber {mother of eight, 13 and under} : We had rest time where everyone went to their rooms and played quietly or looked at books while I took a break or a nap usually right after lunch. They also had to stay in bed after we put them down for the night and they weren’t allowed to get up until I was ready to get up– I would tell them to stay in their rooms, that it wasn’t time to get up yet. Routines definitely, story time, art time and music time. I gave them attention whenever they wanted it, I would drop what I was doing, hold them for however long if they were acting up or sit down with them and read, it usually didn’t take much and then I would go back to cleaning or cooking or gardening or whatever. We also went to the park and on walks a lot! They were carefree days, much more than now with teens and littles!
Katie {mother of five, 11 and under}: 1 – Involve your children in what you are doing. If it’s laundry, have them help load the machine and turn it on, or carry the folded clothes and put them away. If it’s cooking, bring them into the kitchen with you. Babies love to play on the floor with utensils, toddlers and preschoolers are old enough to help add ingredients or “wash” dishes, and school-age kids can chop and help cook. 2 – When they are little, be flexible and let your life meet the shape of theirs. They have very few wants, but some absolute needs, and this is special time to give of yourself. Pay attention to their hunger, sleepiness, and need for attention, and give them what they need when they need it. Not only does this help them feel content and important, it helps you avoid unnecessary fits and tantrums. 3 – Bring them close to you. We all have moments when we feel burnt out or overwhelmed. If you try to push them away and get your space that way, they feel it and become more needy. Just when you feel like pushing them away, pull them in close to you – literally bring them into your arms, focus on your love for them, and show them that love. Your capacity to give and to love is not finite – as you do this, it will grow.
Natalie {mother of six, 7 and under}: So I just recently felt the need to start really teaching my children about work. After reading a lot of opinions, I felt that the best approach would be to give each child a room/area for their daily chore. This is how it goes in our house:
Jack (7) – dishwasher, coat/backpack area, laundry room, shoe closet
Taylor (6) – family room
Noah (5) – dining room
Austin (4) – living room
They are in charge of tidying these rooms as often as I ask. I inspect and praise them each time. If I want them to do something better, I usually wait until the next time to request it. I have them do the jobs pretty frequently so they can be accomplished quickly. I often help my youger two break down their jobs (okay, do they toys now, find all of the dirty clothes…) It has made a HUGE difference so far. Of course there is some whining, and if they get too whiney I have them do something extra with me so I can model a good attitude while we scrub a cupboard door or something small like that. We dont do allowance for these jobs, but I do keep a list of other things they can do to earn money.
Before this system, I’d often use a timer and we’d all scramble to clean a room together before the timer ran out. I’d sometimes offer a small incentive for rooms completed in time. I used several variations of this “all cleaning together” method. We still use it on Saturdays when other rooms need more attention.
Christina {mother of nine, 13 and under}: My first five were born in five years, and we now have 9 kids born in 13 years, so I remember those days when everything was on my shoulders with little helpers well. My top three tips are:
1. Despite how difficult it might be, find quiet time for yourself to reflect every day. Read scriptures, pray, and gain the strength to face the rest of the day.
2. Develop daily and weekly habits and schedules for your family. Consistent nap time or quiet time every day were essential. Once a week, we’d head to the library for storytime. Another day, we’d head out to the park or a museum for an adventure. On Saturdays, we started family work day when the kids were small. We’d all work together (including dad) until the house was clean. Having another adult around to train the kids to work and to help with the cleaning was a huge help to me. Routines help kids feel grounded and secure. Our daily routines included reading, play time, and an evening devotional.
3. Prioritize your own health and sleep. It can be easy to skip a nap yourself when you’re tired, thinking that there is just too much to do to lie down. But if you take the time to sleep when you need to, you’ll reap the benefits of a more peaceful mom and family. Take time to exercise in whatever way you can, whether it’s getting up before the kids or going out in the evening when your husband can be home.
Raelyn {mother of seven, 13 and under}- I think a common misconception is that little kids are too little to help. However, who hasn’t had a 1 yr old that wants to unload the dishwasher or “sweep” the floor. Yes, often letting little kids help means more work for you, but you are encouraging useful lessons for later on and spending quality time with your kid. All too quickly they grow up and don’t want to do anything. One rule at our house is that everyone has to help clear off the table, and starting at 2 yrs old, they are expected to take care of their own dishes.
It is also useful to pick one thing that if you get done for the day, then it has been a successful day. Mine was an empty sink before bed. As long as I got the dishes started and sink cleaned out that I could consider the day successful and be ready for the next day, even if the rest of the house was a mess.
Now it’s your turn! What tips do you have about surviving those days when all the children are younger than eight? Share in the comments!
Ooh, I wish I had any good tips, but as I’m the one who asked you about this, obviously I need help!
I like that last tip- to pick one thing to accomplish in a day that will allow you to feel successful if you actually finish it that day. I almost never feel like my day has been successful, so it would be good to pick something like that and find a more positive outlook on the day.
Maybe I have a tip. I learned recently that if I can get the kids to pick up their toys by the end of the day- I lock the toys away until their morning chores/schoolwork are done. Then they don’t sneak off to play while they are supposed to be doing their work. Sometimes they forget all about the toys and go outside to play, or just use their imaginations! The house stays much more neat and we stay on task better.
Well, we had four children, five and under and then eight children 14 and under. Those days were so difficult, for me personally with so many needs and only one mom.
Sanity tips?: Read scriptures daily and pray. If you cannot do it without your children, do it with your children. You need both if possible. But if you have done it with them, you have accomplished a greater work. Sometimes I would just read something from the Ensign or one verse during nap time and that kept me going.
Trade days: Find a girl friend you can trade with. One Friday, or designated day, you watch her kids, for however much time works (we did the school day). The next Friday she watches yours. That gives you two days a month to accomplish needed things or just mom renewal without the kiddos. It does mean that two days a month you have extras, but our kids always loved having the counted on play-day, and so did the mothers.
Play: take time to play with the children. They do grow up so very fast and they may not remember most of the things you do, but they will remember every day that you spent playing with them. You are their very best friend during these years and the relationships you spend building with them will give you special ability to say things to them when they are older and need unwanted guidance. Even though you need to be their parent and teach, don’t be so unreachable that you aren’t also their friend. Little people have all the same needs for friends and acceptance as big people. And they should never have to wonder how their mother feels about them (the positive parts, not the frustrated parts 🙂
Wonderful tips! I have three 8 and under and I wish I felt like I had wisdom to give. I feel like I need to print out a bunch of these to hang up in front of me to help me remember.
One thing that has helped the craziness between dinner and bedtime is to read together. We kind of fell out of the habit for a while, but we’re trying to get back. It keeps them from getting into that wild and frantic rough play that always seems to happen right before bed… and someone always ends up hurt.
Thank you SO much for this post! I am so grateful for other mothers who have “been there” and are willing to help others get through the craziness of homeschooling with little ones. Thanks for all your advice!
I’m in the thick of it right now, with four little ones 7 and under, and a fifth baby on the way! I love, love, love homeschooling these little ones and spending every day surrounded by my children. It’s not always easy, though, to stay on top of it all!
I think our routine definitely saves us. I have one child assigned to help with the dishes after each meal (except for the 2 yr. old), the oldest two practice piano after breakfast, and then as soon as we’re all ready (beds made, hair done, house straightened) we have our devotional and then begin any formal schoolwork for the day. The starting time for devotional is rarely the same, although we shoot for 9:30 a.m. But the kids know how things generally proceed from day to day. We read together right after lunch (my favorite part of the day, if I can stay awake! lol.) and then we settle in for naps and quiet time. The rest of the day is free play time.
Thanks, again, for sharing your tips! God bless you with that new little one arriving any day! We are SO enjoying your 30 days to Easter countdown. You’re wonderful!
I think the biggest things for me have been a regular family routine to our days, having the children help from the moment they can and try to (usually about age 1), and a daily quiet time/nap time. Seriously, those three things smooth the day. Everyone else already mentioned the obvious of attending to mom’s own scripture study and prayer. Without that relationship with Heavenly Father we’re sunk. We cannot parent on our own!
I’m still in the lots of young ones stage (when baby #8 arrives this summer we’ll have 5 little boys age 5 and under, plus a 7, 8, and 12 year old). Everyone has chores, or is learning, even our 14 month old who is paralyzed from the waist down (he’s getting great at putting toys in a bin!).
Our most useful tip as of late is how we spend our morning time before we leave for school. Our rule is that beds have to be made, kids dressed–with shoes and socks–before they can play…that way, when I yell out “time to get in the car” no one is scrambling for their shoes. This allows us to have a lot of relaxing time together for about 45 minutes each morning and affirm our love for each other…and my last words to them are not “I TOLD you to GET YOUR SHOES ON!”
My one thing I do to make it a successful day: make MY bed. Getting into a tidy bed at night is glorious (and well-earned!)
I just had #6 a couple of weeks ago and my oldest is 9. I love all these tips. What helps me most is getting my crew OUTSIDE. We hike two or three days a week during spring, summer, and fall (or until mom gets too pregnant and can’t carry the smallest anymore). If we can’t hike we go for walks where I can push a stroller and the kids can still feel like they can play in the dirt. We do go to parks occasionally, but I find we bond the best and enjoy each other the most when we are exploring nature together.
To accomplish this you don’t need to spend money. However, buying a really nice set of 2-way radios made our outings much easier. I gave my oldest two children radios and I had one–that allowed them to go a little faster and a little farther than the babies could go, but I could still keep in contact with them. I also bought them Uncle Milty fishing vests so they would have a gazillion pockets to put treasures in and they would stop asking me to carry all their precious rocks! I also bought them really nice hats so we don’t mess around with sunscreen (most of us are redheads) and child-size water backpacks so I wasn’t carrying water for the whole crew.
Again, you don’t need to buy anything, but those things help us have really successful and stress-free adventures together.
I think being outside just lifts a person’s spirits in general. Whenever we go hiking in Big Cottonwood Canyon the kids know Mom will take some time to just gaze around and drink in the outdoors–and they have to let her have her ten minute “devotional” in peace. I love my kids all the time but I like them more when we’re outside. 🙂
Genius–the vests and hats and backpacks. I totally agree about the renewal that comes from nature. And your last line is my favorite: “I love my kids all the time but I like them more when we’re outside.” LOVE & agree with that! 🙂
i think it interesting that you said your house was clean with little kids. I remember looking back at photos from when we were little and our house was clean! so clean! much cleaner than now. I believe we had less ‘things’ back in the day, furniture was smaller and streamlined (no puffy couches) our house got messier as we grew and maybe our mother expected us to help out more than we did, also maybe she got older and tired, but I thought it interesting.
I think the answer is changing it up. I get so angry that I’ve tried a million tactics to get my kids to help! This past two weeks we’ve just put on a whiteboard the menu and kids get to choose which meal they want to help cook, and they have to choose a chore to do for the week. Been working so far, but I’ve tried so many times and the answer really is …..
when I fall off the wagon of making sure they are doing their chores!! its so easy done, when I start cooking the dinner while they are at school, I quickly do the laundry etc…. it s all about being organized ourselves… le sigh….
This is exactly how I did it. Success isn’t a matter of talent but a matter of determination laces with large doses of prayer.
I have 4, 6 and under. My husband is in the military and gone a good potion of the time so I have a lot of Mommy/children time. Things that have helped me:
Routine- especially when this change for any reason. Even when my husband deployed I stuck to the same schedule. Its easiest when everyone knows whats happening next
Chores- everyone should have a chore or two. I usually do 1 chore per year of age. So my 2 yo has 2 chores per day but my 6yo has 6. None of the chores are huge (hang towels, help fold/put away clothing, set the table with help from an older one etc) but it 1) teaches them responsibility and 2) keeps them busy while I clean up/make food etc
clean ups- we clean up 3 times a day: morning time, lunch time, evening time
Take care of yourself: get sleep, read your scriptures, work out, find something you enjoy to do at least a little bit each day, learn new things, etc
Get everyone on the same page: Especially after a long absence I like to have a sit down as a family to update everyone on whats going on, what needs changing and what needs tweeking. When Hubby is home about 5 minutes of each FHE is concentrated on updates/family business.
Be consistent- If the rule is no food out of the kitchen then no food out of the kitchen. Don’t say “its ok right now since Im busy”, then the kids don’t understand when its OK and when its not.
Keep a sense of humor: sometimes those “huge” things of today will be something you laugh about tomorrow. One time I was running late to church, hubby called upset over something that happened where he was, the children were arguing over a coloring book, the baby was screaming and I had yet to take a medicine I needed to (I was sick at the time). I grabbed a drink, got all the kids out the door and went to leave myself. Of course in my rush I tripped. The drink flew, the kids stood there open mouthed (probably trying not to laugh), I got drenched, the baby got drenched. At the time I cried and couldn’t imagine a worse morning. Looking back at it I laugh. It was funny, just didn’t have my mind in the right place that morning.
Remember what you want in the end. I want healthy, happy, well adjusted children with a heart towards the Lord and a desire to serve each other. That goal is what Im working towards. I look at each situation and try to determine is this helping get towards my goal or pushing me away from it.