Our next guest writer for this month is Becky. She was born and raised in California. She met her husband at BYU during her sophomore year and they were married that summer. Becky did graduate with a degree in Music History but has been very blessed to be able to stay at home to raise her children. She had our five boys while living in Utah, a daughter while living in California, and has called Florida home for the past 13 years. In the past five years, Becky and her husband have added three daughters-in-law and four grandchildren to their family. Last fall they became “empty-nesters” the same day they celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, and are discovering they love this stage in their life. There’s still plenty going on to keep Becky from ever getting bored. Becky blogs at Never Bored.
Prologue: Background
One day when I was in high school my parents announced that we were going to start having family scripture study every evening. I don’t remember too much about the ensuing experience, other than that we used Gospel Principles as our study manual, and that with eight children, with varying degrees of co-operation, it was pretty much utter chaos. However, it did instill in me the desire to start family scripture study early with my own children, and not wait until they were teenagers.
Phase One: Crash!
Fast forward several years. By this time I was married to a wonderful man and we had four little boys. The oldest had just started school and was learning to read and I felt that it was time to start family scripture study. My husband wasn’t quite on board with the idea, however; he couldn’t see how there would be time to fit it into our schedule. After all, he was busy working full-time, taking MBA classes part-time, and serving as the ward Young Men’s President in his spare time. He was right, so I decided that it was just something I’d have to do. I vividly remember one night when he was at school or Mutual, putting the baby to bed and gathering the other kids on the couch to read a chapter from the illustrated Book of Mormon Stories. The two-year-old wandered off, and I decided to not chase him. A couple of minutes later we heard a big CRASH! Fortunately, he was okay but the contents on top of my dresser weren’t. I remember being so frustrated! I was trying to do the right thing, wasn’t I? And then the answer came, “Be patient. Let your husband take the lead for family scripture study. It’s his priesthood responsibility.” That may not be the answer for everyone, but it was the right one for us. I had a wonderful, worthy, priesthood-leader husband, and I needed to support him. We were having weekly family home evening and daily family prayers and that was enough right then. I still read scripture stories to the kids, but it was part of an individual bedtime story routine, not as family scripture study.
Phase Two: Build the Habit
Fast forward a few more years – to Mother’s Day 1992. My husband was asked to speak in sacrament meeting, and as part of helping him to prepare, we read President Benson’s talk “To the Mothers in Zion.” In that talk he stated, “Take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family. Individual scripture reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital.” http://fc.byu.edu/jpages/ee/w_etb87.htm After discussion, we decided it was time to start having family scripture study. We presented our plan for family night and started Tuesday morning. One of the unique things that I love about my husband is that he likes to do things in an orderly fashion. With his encouragement, the family voted to start our reading with Genesis, and go through the books in order – first The Bible, then the Book of Mormon, then the Doctrine & Covenants, and finally the Pearl of Great Price. We also decided that reading at breakfast time would fit our schedule the best. So, that’s what we did. A month later I wrote in my journal: “We did start reading the Bible at breakfast and I’ve noticed a difference in our home. There is less teasing and quarreling, and I think that’s enough incentive to never stop reading the scriptures.”
This phase continued for years. At first, Dad did all the reading. Once we completed the entire standard works (which took years), we read the Book of Mormon through a few times. One time we listened to the tapes and followed along in our books. Another time or two we each took turns reading a verse (oldest to youngest). We even read it in Spanish once, as a way to feel closer to our missionary son. As the kids grew older and started seminary, we moved it from breakfast time to bed time. However, the routine was the same – gather together, grab your scriptures, recite the books in order*, read the chapter, and kneel down for family prayer.
(This chart hung on our refrigerator for over a year, during one time when we read the Book of Mormon – from 09/28/1998 to 01/07/2000.)
During this time I noticed a couple of things, in addition to the lower decibel level that the prophets’ promised. One was that treating family scripture study as a “church meeting” really helped with reverence in sacrament meeting. Each day our boys got a chance to practice sitting upright, while listening quietly and refraining from poking each other. That made Sundays a lot easier. Another was how it helped our children learn to read quickly. Just before our daughter turned six, we moved from California to Florida (which had different “age” rules). Our daughter’s first grade teacher looked at her fall birth date and was concerned that she was placed incorrectly, because she was a full year younger than the other students in her class. Then the teacher heard her read, and her response was “Don’t you dare take her from my class.” When she shared that with me, I realized that her ability to read well was a direct result of reading the scriptures regularly from the day she was born.
I had “daily” instead of “regularly” in that last sentence, but took it out, because this wasn’t a daily thing. We struggled and had weeks when we got out of the habit, particularly when schedule changes came along. One that I remember in particular was when my husband started a new job in a city four hours away from where we lived. We couldn’t move until we sold our house, which took several months, so during that time he wasn’t home from Sunday evening through Friday night. I had learned my lesson about letting him take the lead for family scripture study, so we stopped. After a few weeks, I noticed a bunch more bickering between the kids and it just seemed noisy and definitely not peaceful in our home. The light bulb finally went off and I realized it was because we had stopped reading the scriptures together every day. We saved the “real” Book of Mormon for when Dad was home on the weekends, but we pulled out the scripture stories again for during the week. Within a few days, things were back to normal.
Also, as we were working on building the habit, I remember suggesting that if we skipped a day, we should read two chapters the next day. My very wise husband reminded me that it doesn’t work that way. If we skip a meal or two, we don’t eat twice as much the next time (even if some of us try), because over-eating isn’t good for us either. Scriptures are spiritual nourishment. If we forgot to read, we just repented and tried harder to remember the next day.
Phase Three: Add a Hymn
After a while, I thought it would be nice to add singing a hymn to our family scripture study and prayer, to make it more of a devotional time, but my dear husband wasn’t so sure. Then one day he read the section in the Church Handbook of Instructions on music – http://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/music?lang=eng#148 -, which led him to the preface of the hymn book: “Teach your children to love the hymns. Sing them on the Sabbath, in home evening, during scripture study, at prayer time. Sing as you work, as you play, and as you travel together.” Guess what we added to our family scripture study? It’s been wonderful. Every night we sing a different hymn. We started with hymn #1 and went all the way to #341. We’ve sung them in alphabetical order and by topics. Now we’re going through the author/composer index.
At one point, after a stake conference in which our stake president encouraged each family to have daily scripture study, we evaluated how we were doing and realized that even though it had been a habit for years, there was still room for improvement, particularly on the weekends. The tendency had been to go from school and work to dinner to entertainment to a very late bedtime, and no one wanted to take the time to read scriptures, although we did have family prayer. We decided to move scriptures and prayer from after the “Friday/Saturday night movie” to before it. That worked!
We’ve been working on this family tradition for over twenty years now, and yet there’s really only one specific night that I remember. Even then, though, I have no idea what chapter we read. All I remember now is that when Dad called for “Scriptures and Prayer” the oldest son at home didn’t show up in the living room. His little sister was sent to remind him, but that didn’t work. I went to cajole him into joining the family, and that didn’t work either. He was tired and in a bad mood and just wanted to sleep. Fortunately, the Spirit prompted me to suggest we take the family to him. He still didn’t participate, but the rest of us gathered around his bed, read our chapter, sang a short hymn, had prayer, and left him alone. Later I learned that was a very powerful lesson to him on the importance of family scripture study, and it was definitely the best way to handle the situation. Fortunately, it was a one-time occurrence!
Phase Four: What’s Next?
Now we’re empty-nesters, and we still have daily family scripture study. And it’s still evolving. Just this week we decided to note if the hymn we sing could be classified as a prayer or not. Sometimes I miss the challenge of trying to get active kids to settle down for just a few minutes, and I definitely miss the full octet for the hymn, but I’m grateful for the memories of the past. I feel like we didn’t spend a lot of time “studying” the scriptures, and if I were doing it over again, I’d try to add some discussion time to the reading. However, I’ve learned that it’s not so much what you learn intellectually that’s important. What’s valuable is the sense of family unity that’s created as you spend time together, developing a greater love for each other and for the Savior and his gospel.
I’m grateful to see our sons carry this family tradition into their own little families, and I’m open for suggestions on how to encourage them to keep this habit going, and to share my love of the scriptures with young grandchildren who live thousands of miles away!
*We thought it would be good to know the order of the individual books of scripture. So each day, we’d recite them up through the current book. For example, when we were in “Numbers,” we said “Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.” As we got to each new book, it was added. After we completed reading all of them the first time, it stopped being part of the daily routine, although we did recite the complete list every once in a while. I imagine if you asked them, each of our children could go from “Genesis” to “Articles of Faith” even now. Kids, am I right?
Thanks, Becky, for sharing how scripture study changed throughout the years in your family. It’s nice to know that there is no “right” way to do it! And it was fun to see your children growing up in the pictures you shared.
What does scripture study or devotional time look like at your house?
Wow . . . this brought back a lot of great memories 😀 Now that we are empty nesters also, family scripture study has never been the same. Still . . . my favorite moments are when one or the other, or a few of the kids are in town with their family and we gather them all around for scripture study. What a testimony I have of the blessings of being obedient to this wise counsel from our prophets. It was always a challenge and we were far from perfect, but I know we were blessed as we tried to be diligent.
Wow! What a journey! What a treasure to share with all of us – thank you!
I like seeing such positive blog posts and find how you live the gospel in every aspect of your life so enriching and inspiring.
But my husband isn’t supportive. He is struggling with his testimony and has been for a long time. I know there are things we have done as a couple and as a family that have impacted this but I feel like I need his support to get in the habit of doing scripture study and FHE. We were really good about it for about a year and I felt an immense difference in our home. But for whatever reason we got out of the habit and he will not take the lead on it or even support me in this. What are you supposed to do then? I so wish my husband was like this man who is described but he isn’t. I am so discouraged and filled with worry and regret. I want to teach my children but I also have to live with someone who doesn’t want to support this right now. Doing this alone is easy said than done. How are mothers supposed to carry on without support or enthusiasm from their spouse when it comes to spiritual matters like this?
Jenny, My dad married my step mom who was a member of the Church. My dad at the time was not. I think what my mom did helped my dad so much as he was learning and growing in the gospel. My mom would always be the one to call us for family prayer, or scripture reading, or FHE. She would have everything prepared {for scripture reading and FHE} but always made sure that my dad was presiding in the home. It was his job to conduct FHE or pick someone for prayer. I think that had the biggest impact on my dad. Even though he wasn’t yet a member he was still the head of the household and my mom treated him as such and supported him with that. {even though she was doing most of the work}
I think that you should do it anyway. Invite your husband to come and conduct the family and preside over prayer or what ever every time, letting him know that you want him there.If he chooses not to, just leave it at that but I would still do it. It will be hard to do it all yourself but it will benefit your children so much and the spirit will guide you.
I will tell you that I do have a supportive husband but we have gone through two deployments when the boys were little, so I was doing this by myself. I would do scripture reading when they were in bed that way the were somewhat contained, and family home evening was done monday nights around the dinner table for the same reason and because they were busy eating they didn’t wander off. It was hard doing it all by myself but I feel like I was blessed for because of it.
~leah
Its really hard when you don’t have the support of your husband. I was in a similar situation with my first husband for years and with 4 very young kids it was hard. But the important thing is that you are a good example to your husband about the importance of scripture study. I used to just do scriptures on my own with the kids and plan well in advance so i knew what i was doing for the next half a year. I would then invite him to join us and often he did actually sit and listen. If not then just remember that you are doing the right thing and that is all that matters to the Lord. It must be so hard to be in your situation but all you can do is turn to the Lord and do your best and the rest will be made up to you. Im often amazed when I look back at my life back with my first four kids and ex husband at how I managed to do scriptures and everything and yet it all seems so much harder now with my current fully active husband and 5 kids. I think it is because back then the Lord was helping me by making up what I lacked and giving me inspiration. I hope that makes sense….
My heart aches for you, and others in your situation. It’s difficult enough when you DO have support; I can’t even imagine how discouraging it would be when you don’t. I hope some of the following ideas are helpful, and that you can feel the love and support of your cyber friends and the Lord.
First, pray, pray, pray. Heavenly Father knows our needs and desires and wants to help us, but we have to ask first. Second, I’d echo the advice above – plan family home evening and scripture study yourself but always invite your husband to join you, and encourage him to preside. If that’s too contentious, maybe you could try it at a time when he’s not home. Third, do what we did but backwards, meaning start with just singing a hymn. Or, have hymns playing on the stereo/ipod/whatever. You don’t even have to discuss them to have their messages sink into your heart. Fourth, encourage individual scripture reading (assuming your kids can read) and at dinner time have everyone take turns sharing a scripture. You could do everyone every time or just rotate one a day. Fifth, have a scripture for the week posted on the fridge or bulletin board. Consider repeating it together daily. Maybe work on memorizing it. Remember that quotes from general conference are scripture. Sixth, occasionally do your personal scripture study where family members can see you. That might pique their interest in studying with you or by themselves. Just don’t give up. That’s what Satan wants.
Finally, Elder Scott gave a talk years ago that was very comforting to me – “First Things First” from the April 2001 general conference – about working to build the ideal family. Also it might help to remember this quote by Elder Hales from the April 1998 general conference: “The Church is not built in one generation. The sound growth of the Church takes hold over three and four generations of faithful Saints. Passing the fortitude of faith to endure to the end from one generation to the next generation is a divine gift of unmeasured blessings to our progeny. Also, we cannot endure to the end alone. It is important that we help by lifting and strengthening one another.” Our family is a product of great-great-great-grandparents on both sides who crossed the plains in 1847. That’s seven generations! If you’re the first or second generation, or even third or fourth, just start where you are and imagine the blessings that can come to your great-grandchildren if you just do your best. Love, Becky
My sister married an RM and I married a non-member, who eventually joined the church but was less active for years. The saddest thing I’ve ever heard is my sister saying “I expected him to take charge of prayer, scripture study and FHE, and when he didn’t I said well if he’s not going to do it I’m not going to either.” Only two of their seven children are active in the gospel. When our oldest was about four I was reading “Raising A Family Up to the Lord” by Elder Gene R. Cook and he quotes Elder A. Theodore Tuttle about it being the parent’s responsibility to teach their children the gospel and not rely on the church to do it. So I asked my non-member husband to help me with FHE with our three littles ones as I only had two side and hands. So he did. But during the time he was less active he rarely even sat in on FHE and NEVER took the lead. I carried on because I didn’t want our children to grow up not knowing the gospel and not knowing how to have prayer, scripture reading and FHE. Eventually after two left home (military and mission) my husband finally has come around to be the leader (mostly). But even if he didn’t, I’d still be carrying on. It is more important to me to have a clear conscience before the Lord on judgement day than to wait for my husband to come around. He’ll answer for himself. It is difficult and lonely much of the time with a spouse who is less than we want him/her to be. But I refused to use that excuse to deprive my children of the experiences I wanted them to have. Press forward with steadfast faith in the Savior and frequently read D&C 123:17.
This was such an inspiring article – thank you so much for sharing your journey! I have 3 small children and sometimes (always?) it’s hard to see the big picture. This post helps me with that. I was talking with a friend just yesterday about our family scripture study routines. I loved her family’s habit: they have a family scripture journal, and after they read their chapter together, they go from youngest (4) to oldest (12) plus Mom and Dad, and each person says something they learned, noticed, or has a question about. Just short and simple. I want to start doing that; it seems like it would lead to so many good gospel discussions and chances for teaching. Thanks again!
What a wonderful idea! Even if you only did it occasionally (like for FHE or Sunday dinner), you’d still be creating a treasure.
Hey, do you have the file for that coloring reading chart?
I’m sorry, I don’t. It’s an 11×17″ chart that I purchased at Deseret Book years ago. If you do a Google Image or Pinterest search on “Book of Mormon Reading Chart” and scroll down, you’ll see it, but I’m not sure about copyright rules and I imagine the thumbnail image quality wouldn’t print really well anyway. There seem to be some different options, though, so I hope you find something that works for you! (The May 1992 Friend has a simple “color in a square per chapter” one that we’ve used before.)
I appreciate you sharing your evolution in reading, it was very inspirational! We are in the middle of scripture reading with our 4 and it is usually fun. How sweet it is to read and discuss the scriptures with our little family. It is especially rewarding to hear them ask questions or say things like “I love Heavenly Father and Jesus.”
Becky, I really enjoyed reading your development of scripture reading at your house. Ours hasn’t really evolved. From the beginning, we have read a few verses (varying depending upon the ages and attention span of the children) and said a prayer. I wish we sang, sometimes. And sometimes we do have a discussion if the kids have questions or my sweetheart feels the need to expound a particular doctrine.
For us, family home evening has been the developmental project, very similar to your scripture reading.
I think the key for all of us, regardless of circumstances, is just to keep trying and doing our best. I loved the quote you shared in your comments to Jenny. We are second generation gospel parents. Each spiritual step we try to implement into our family, no matter how successful, allows succeeding generations places to build upon.
Jenny, your desires to teach your children the gospel, and your efforts to implement that, regardless of how imperfect, will live on in the lives of your children in their efforts to teach their children.
Elder Russell M. Nelson came to a stake conference here. Regarding family scripture study, he said, “Ours was not always a howling success—sometimes there was more howling than success.” Paraphrasing, ‘But I have seen our efforts magnified in the lives of our children and their efforts to teach their children.’ We truly are building over generations. We just need to do our part, which really is whatever we are capable of and can manage within the circumstances we live. The Lord knows our hearts, opportunities, and abilities. Just keep going 🙂
Thanks so much for your story and insights. Our family uses the daily readings as jumping off points for conversation, but in a much less structured type of setting. I see the goodness it yields, though, and your story inspires me to make our approach a little more steady.
Thanks for this post. I have five young boys myself and I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how much my boys love reading scriptures in the mornings. My husband is not able to be with us for a portion of the year because of his occupation, but we continue to read each morning at breakfast. We’ve been using the scriptures that have headings throughout the chapter which breaks things up a bit and makes it easier for my kids and also gives us time to talk about what we read about before they finish eating and get off to school. There have been many mornings where they have asked me to keep reading more! (I’m hoping that will continue as they get older!)
I love the ideas you gave about expanding the experience with scripture reading and singing hymns. More than anything we struggle with getting in FHE and daily family prayers, but I am hoping to use some of the ideas here to improve on those experiences with our family too. Thanks again for all your ideas!
Thanks for your experience. We have been reading scriptures regularly since for the last 7 years or so (since my oldest was a baby) and I am still waiting for it to evolve into a peaceful, reverent ritual. One day…hopefully.
I’m rather late to reading this post, so I hope my answer gets through to Becky anyway … I’m with Cardon Times – waiting for family scriptures to evolve into something peaceful and reverent. Ha ha ha. Five girls ranging from 7 years to 6 weeks. It’s a battle every single day but we persevere.
As to Becky’s question about sharing her love of the scriptures with grandchildren far away – my parents live at the other end of the country, and one thing we’ve done is that my parents each wrote a letter to our girls sharing their favorite scripture story, why they liked it and their testimony, and they drew or colored a picture of those specific stories. The girls loved getting something addressed to them out of the mailbox, and they put up the 2 pictures on their bulletin board. We did not send a similar package back with the girls drawing pictures of their own favorite scripture stories, although now that I think about it, we certainly should have. This was a year or two ago – maybe it’s time to do it again.
That’s a wonderful idea! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!
I was just google-ing about how to fit scriptures into our nighttime routine. When we moved across country we were so great at this. Our kids then were 6, 4, and 2 and we read diligently each night. I think it was because we were so far from home we really had to lean on eachother as a family. We grew so close together. After moving back out west we have let that habit fall sadly and with an addition of a baby boy things got interesting. THe kids have been fighting so much more lately though, and reading this article just confirms that we need to start reading again! Thanks!