Our guest writer today is “just” a teenager. But, wow, the impact she has had in raising her voice to defend family! Read on as Amelia shares her story.
Last spring I was invited to speak at the Utah State Capitol about a child’s perspective on marriage. The event was a concert hosted by Alan Osmond and I was to speak immediately after Governor Herbert. The rotunda quickly filled to standing room only– almost a thousand people showed up. Surprisingly, half of them were protesters. They surrounded the gallery, many wearing costumes, body masks and face paint, blocking the entrances, and holding signs about bigotry and hatred– sometimes even climbing on stage.
Since we often think of tolerance as a virtue, it was surprising to see signs that said “Close your bible and open your mind.” Several signs called religious people bigots and ridiculed the churches that attended. But there was one sign which said “Mr. Osmond, why are attacking us with children?” I was the “child” that they were talking about. They were already watching me, and knew I would be speaking. They thought I was a tool and didn’t think I could have an opinion of my own. But being young didn’t make my experience less true.
With the stage set I realized how crucial it was for a child’s perspective to be heard. Obviously children are often heard complaining about their parents. I’m no exception. My mom doesn’t just burn dinner, she sets it on fire. Often. She’s not perfect. No parent is. But to every child mothers and fathers are irreplaceable.
When I was eight or nine, I had a close friend whose parents were getting divorced. She asked me, “If you had to give up one parent, which would you choose?” I could not decide. My mom and dad both have their strengths and weaknesses, but when it comes down to it, I need both parents.
It was painful for my friend to be told that she could only have one half of her family because of her parents’ decision. Parents who cannot resolve their differences often choose divorce as a solution, but for the child it is a calamity to lose half of their home.
In the years since, I have seen many of my friends wrestle with fractured homes and families. I have other friends who faced life without ever knowing their fathers, friends taken away from one or both of their parents, friends who had to choose one parent over the other. It was painful for each of my friends. Children are the people most affected by abandonment, adultery, divorce and other marriage or familial “re-definitions.”
I sometimes want to ask, why are adult relationships so much more important than a child’s?
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Consider looking at marriage from a child’s point of view. Every child deserves a mother and a father. No one can deny that God gave each child that gift. As children we have a legitimate interest in a stable home, protection from fathers and nurture from mothers. We deserve it. And we need it. Marriage is the way society meets those needs. Marriage attaches mothers and fathers to the children they create.
Because children cannot protect this birthright for themselves, government has always recognized and protected marriage. In fact, it is the primary reason that governments and religions recognize marriage at all.
People today claim that it is bigotry to limit the definition of marriage. Was it bigotry to stop marriage between relatives? Was it bigotry to forbid old men from marrying young girls? Was it hatred to forbid people from committing incest? Does anyone have a civil right to eliminate a mother or father from a child’s life in order to meet their own romantic needs?
Marriage promises that children will have the most essential relationships in human experience. It is cruel to deprive children of those natural relationships without a very compelling reason.
While not every family achieves every aspect of the ideal, it is wrong to dismiss the needs of children. Same sex marriage would change the legal ideal for all of us, not just the homosexuals. It would create an ideal that says children do not need both a mother and a father, but instead declare that the main purpose of marriage is emotional adult satisfaction.
In such a world, government would be responsible to promote and enforce an ideal that separates rather than encourages a child’s relationships with his or her mother and father. Not because it is necessary, as happens in adoption, but just because some adults prefer it that way. From a child’s perspective, that is not “ideal.” It is cruel.
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| Alex Boye singing to Amelia |
It was surprising to see how differently people responded to my opinion. Although it was fun to have Alex Boye make such a big deal out of my speech with David Barton latter in June (you can see Alex’s response here at minute 9), many other people called me names, and sent hate mail. Other people dismissed my opinion, saying that my parents were teaching me to be a hater. None of them responded to my points.
Although some may want to return to an age where “children are meant to be seen and not heard,” I’d like to point out some scientific facts. Children do not need to be “taught” to need a mother and a father. It is a biological instinct. They have to be “taught” to live without a mother or a father because of the selfishness of adults.
It turns out adults are the ones who need to be taught.
Photography Credit: Scot Facer Proctor, Meridian Magazine.
Thank you, Amelia, for pointing out that science – or rather God – has always decreed that you need a man and a woman to make a child and changing the definition of marriage will not change that. You can read more about Amelia here.
Amelia Summerhays is a 14 year old high school freshman and iTunes vocalist who loves to sing the blues. Her strong interest in psychology and human behavior makes her a great listener and friend. She is especially popular amongst her 4 siblings, where her cooking wins “Best in Brownies” on a weekly basis.
Head on over to A Well Behaved Mormon Woman or Mormon Mommy Blogs and see what they have to say during our Family Proclamation Celebration!
Comment moderation is on. I promised Amelia’s mother I would moderate them. As Amelia alluded to in her post she was called some pretty mean names after giving her speech by those opposed to her view and while I welcome comments that discuss various viewpoints even if they don’t agree, I will not tolerate any negative comments like name calling directed personally to a child.
Great points Amelia!! You are brave and right. Thank you for sharing your voice.
Amen, Amelia. I am glad that there are voices of children and youth who are being heard. You bring up good points!
Wow, I am always excited when I am taught by a child. Amelia is courageous and I am grateful she helped to clear some of the mud slinging in this area. Her words remind us all – even those who don’t want to hear it, of God’s purpose for us and in our lives.
Thank you!
This was one of the most articulate and beautiful and authentic pieces I’ve read on the importance of mothers AND fathers in the lives of children. Way to go Amelia! Thank you for being bold and courageous. Keep up the good work defending what you know to be right and true. The rights of children have been trampled on for years and it’s your voice and the many like yours that will help the world to see what needs to be changed. 🙂
Please know, Amelia, that you do not stand alone, and I am willing to bet you will yet have many opportunities to STAND. You probably already know this in your heart and are well prepared.
Thank you for giving us a wonderful start to CELEBRATING THE FAMILY. 🙂
Amelia, you are incredible. Thank you for having the courage to share your beliefs, especially in such an environment as the one you described. Your testimony inspires me. Keep up your great work!
Shaylee
After the Manner of Happiness
Wonderful Amelia! Thank you for making your voice and the voice of all children heard.
Thank you Amelia for sharing your beliefs (very beautiful beliefs) in a respectful way! I think many adults can learn from your example.
Wow, what an amazing, smart young woman you are Amelia. Keep on your path…it is a righteous one. There are more people on your side than you know. I still believe that the majority of people believe as you do…they are just too silent. Unfortunately, the minority these days is very vocal and wants people to believe that they are winning. We know, that in the end they will not win. 🙂
Amelia I was there both times you spoke. You are a beautiful voice there for the traditional family. We need you.
Amelia, you are my hero! Thank you for being a strong defender of the doctrine, our Savior and the family. You will go many great places in your life, I know it!
I forgot to add a great quote from last General Conference that reminded me of what you did and are continuing to do. I has given me courage, and I hope it helps you too:
Elder Hales said, “Sometimes we become the lightning rod, and we must “take the heat” for holding fast to God’s standards and doing His work. I testify that we need not be afraid if we are grounded in His doctrine. We may experience misunderstanding, criticism, and even false accusation, but we are never alone. Our Savior was ’despised and rejected of men.’ It is our sacred privilege to stand with Him!”
[Robert D. Hales, “Stand Strong in Holy Places,” April 2013 General Conference.]
Way to go Amelia!!!! I wish every child and adult had the courage you displayed the day you spoke at the Capitol. Thank you for letting your voice be heard. You truly are one of those saved for this day…like silver trees standing tall, who will not bend with the wind or the change, but stand to fight the world alone!! (At least you are not alone! We are all here to support you. I am sorry people are not more kind in their claim to be tolerant.) But thanks for your example!
Thank-you, Amelia, well said. You continue to stand up for what you believe, and make your voice heard for young people everywhere!
Well done, Amelia.
My parents separated when I was 12. I lived one week with Dad and one week with Mom until I was 14. At that point they moved back in together to provide their children (I was the oldest of 4) with a 2 parent home. They were not happy together, and their struggles did hurt all of us, but we kids never had to choose. They later divorced. Today I cannot comprehend what they sacrificed to give their children the best they could. I cannot say that all people should do what my parents did, but I admire them for how they chose to handle their struggles and commitments.
Well said, and well done. Keep up your good work. You are a brave young woman.
Fantastic article! I wish I could have been there to hear it! I admire your courage in standing up for what is right in the face of oppression. A while ago I posted an article on my blog about why we need to keep marriage between a man and a woman. You can see it here if you want: http://fhelessons.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/my-epiphany/
I experienced some of the same hate mail that you probably did after posting it, but I wrote it and left it up on my blog in the face of hateful words because I felt prompted to do so by God. I understand from experience, though, how difficult it is to take a stand when it means that others will be hateful towards you because of it. So I just want to say, “Way to go!” for standing up for the right! Thank you for your amazing example! You’re awesome!
Wow! What an AMAZING and COURAGEOUS young woman you are!
AuntSue
What great words! Children do need both their parents. And Government needs to support that biological need. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and strength.
Excellent, excellent points. Thank you so much for reprinting this Montse. It’s wonderful.
plan to discuss these ideas with my children. So good.
From the mouth of babes! Thank you Amelia! You are wise beyond your years. I hope that you keep fighting for what is right.
Amelia, what a wonderful example you are to the world and to my children. I will read this again with my 10-year-old son today!
Love this. I’ve been thinking a lot about The Proclamation and also about the YW theme….We will “stand as witnesses of God at all times
and in all things, and in all places”…. What a perfect example!
What an inspiration! I am so glad that I found this! I’ve been bombarded with all kinds of arguments about this topic and not one of them has brought up our children. Our children should be the most important factor in all decisions we make—and when you look at it from the perspective of the young ones we are entrusted with, it makes it a lot easier to come to a conclusion. I wish I had this amount of moral courage when I was 13! WOW!!