Remember last week how I wrote about puke? I jinxed myself. Guess who ended up getting sick last Wednesday night? Yeah. Not very fun and it totally knocked me out, so much that my husband was teasing be about being a wimp. I hope I’m not setting myself up again with this week’s Establish a House post.
I have potty trained eight children and I am NO expert. But there are a few things I have learned along the way that have made potty training each subsequent child a whole lot easier.
My oldest potty trained when she was 15 – 16 months old. She was so easy I thought, “Why do parents complain about potty training? Seriously it is the easiest thing ever.”
Then along came child number two. She knew what to do and when but she refused until it was on her own terms and time. She was almost three. And, of course, made me eat my own words about how “easy” potty training a child can be. From her I learned a lot of the ease is really in the waiting until the child is ready. There are a few things to help them get ready and some signs to look for.
Ganache is 30 months old and just now showing signs of potty training readiness. He lets us know when he needs his diaper changed (or when he is going) and he shows an interest in wearing underwear. He also wants to watch when he knows someone is in the bathroom. This is tricky but children do learn faster when they can actually see what they are supposed to be doing, but finding a person willing to be watched…..well that’s a whole other story.
Ganache received two packages of “training” underwear in his Christmas stocking. He likes to wear them over his diaper. This coming week I will have him wear them without the diaper and show him where he needs to go and take him to the potty often but it will be no fuss, no pressure. There will definitely be messes and accidents. But I will be prepared for that. He is new at this after all! All the tears and frustration involved with potty training almost always comes because the parent wants it to happen when the child is just not ready.
I’ll let Ganache wear his underwear for a few days (or just a couple if I can’t catch up on laundry to clean the soiled ones) and go back to putting a diaper on him. No talk about failure or shaming just lots of praise for trying. At the beginning of the next week we go through the same process. Almost without fail by the third week the child currently in potty training readiness is asking to wear underwear and is much more likely to be successful. Of course there is still the occasional accident but that’s exactly what it is an accident, not intentional.
We do use rewards at the beginning. An m&m or skittle or small sticker for the successes with plenty of hugs and accolades from the whole family. We don’t use charts mostly because they don’t seem to motivate my kids at all.
It took potty training at least four children before I realized how important not getting mad at the accidents is for me and my child. Yes, I can be a slow learner! It causes too much stress all around, lots of tears and frustration, and even some anxiety for the child . Taking a more relaxed approach has been so much better emotionally for everyone.
Kids are so unique not everyone will be ready at a certain age. Boys do tend to be older before they are ready but that is just a generalization. My second child, a girl, still takes the prize for being the oldest to potty train at just under three years. I think she was 35 months. Hindsight though tells me I was at fault for that for trying so hard to get her potty trained at 16 months like her older sister. It was a fight and struggle off and on for almost two years and so not worth!
To recap. Here are signs of potty training readiness:
- knows when his diaper needs to be changed
- tells when he is going
- can take his pants off
- is interested in watching others use the toilet
- shows interest wearing underwear
What we do to potty train:
- talk about using the potty for several weeks
- let him wear his underwear over his diaper for a while
- let him watch others if they are willing
- have him wear underwear without a diaper and take him to the potty often
- Praise him for everything “Good job, you did it!” or “Oh, you tried to make it. Good try!” or “Oopsies! Did you have an accident? That’s okay. I know you tried to make it to the potty.”
- give rewards like an M&M, skittles or small sticker for successes
- be prepared to clean up messes – there will be plenty of those!
- be relaxed in your approach
What other tips do you have that have worked for you when it comes to potty training? For instance my friend Holly tries to keep her kids in one certain area of the house where accidents are easier to clean by taping roads on the floor for her kids to drive their cars around.
Agree agree agree! We’ve got four and the first three all were ready around 3 years. As a newer mom it’s hard to look around and see other kids learning a skill when “they should.” I wish more examples like yours are out there. You teach a different mind set for the parent. It’s great 🙂
It’s been a journey to get there as a parent – probably a lot longer journey than it should have been. Thanks for your kind words!
Oh MAN! We need that image…badly! It’s never done till the paperwork is done! Yes…good reminder for certain kids I know! 🙂
Isn’t that vintage sign hilarious?! When I saw it I knew I had to use it.
I offer a treat to both the potty trainee and whichever older sibling is willing to be a trainer for the moment. My littles get so much potty time that accidents are almost nonexistent! And older siblings get a tiny treat and the satisfaction of being teacher. I haven’t potty trained my last 3 children! My older ones have! Though the current one in diapers is my first boy . . .
Getting older siblings to help is a great idea! My 2nd daughter tried to potty train child #8 as a YW Individual Worth Value project. It was great for me!
Ha ha! Love the post. Oh potty training is SUCH a joy. ( :
Glad you could use my taped roads idea. It must have been inspired ‘cuz I’m usually not that brilliant. It really helped a lot!
I’d also say, if the child is sitting down on a couch to watch TV (and might even fall asleep there) put down an old blanket or one of those chux pads. I always prefer preventing a difficult to clean mess than having to scrub carpets or couch cushions.
I wish I were a potty-training expert. We are working on this with our two-year old and it is going rather slowly. I just know that when I am expecting accidents they don’t frustrate me nearly as much as when I am expecting perfection. So being mentally prepared is so important. Also, I always plan on cleaning carpets after potty-training is completed which helps me not stress about accidents too much.
Our easiest one to train was #2, a boy. At just 2.5 years old, I put him in undies, placed a stack of extras by the bathroom, and left for work! My husband was home for two weeks during the holiday shut down at his office and he did all the chasing, encouraging, changing, and cleaning! It was wonderful and took only three days…
I definitely believe waiting is the way to go! My oldest took FOREVER because I started too early (at like 18 months). The rest potty trained relatively quickly and easily when they were about 3. My most recent to potty train was 3 1/2, partly because that’s when she was ready, and partly because she is so tiny that it took that long for her to be agile enough to climb up on the toilet!
My other piece of advice would be to NEVER use pull-up’s. Yes, I mean it. We never do, even at night and even while potty training. Once they really are ready, it’s underwear all the way (we use thick training pants at first). There’s always a wet bed or two, but it is amazing how quickly they night-train!
My husbands advice would be to let your spouse do it! Haha! I tried and tried with my first and finally gave up. I told him everyday when he was ready he could wear underwear. We had a friend over who was about the same age and potty training. He went in and used the potty came out and got a lot of excitement and high five. My son was watching and all of the sudden had to go. From that day forward he had minimal accidents! He was almost 3.
Right around her second birthday my daughter kept saying everything was too tight including her diaper when it was almost falling off, so we potty trained. She did alright with peeing but pooping was not fun. It was weeks (it could have been a lot worse) before she got that part down. And it took a pair of princess shoes. If she made it in the toilet she got the shoes but if she didn’t the shoes went up high and she couldn’t have them again until she made it in the toilet.
My third one was the easiest. When she was a year old I started just putting her on the toilet in the morning. Sometimes she would go and sometimes she wouldn’t. I was doing it mostly for exposure. So time went by and as she grew she sometimes wanted to go to the bathroom and I would take her. Finally this past summer she was showing all the signs of readiness, including changing her own bottom. She literally took off her diaper, wiped and put another diaper on. The worst was when she pooped. But she broke her arm and I didn’t want to push it until it healed. But then I was pregnant and all the kids were home and she was distracted with them. And with a new baby I didn’t want her reverting. There were a lot of excuses! Anyways, finally in November I decided to bite the bullet and give it all my attention. And she has done great, minus a few days she was distracted with her siblings. And she is even dry at night! A true accomplishment. I am still working on my second one to stay dry. I agree with Angie…stay away from pull-ups, they are a hindrance in the long run. I wish I had learned that lesson earlier.
And I have to share my sister’s-in-law dilemma. She first attempted training her son in July but she had a newborn and decided it wasn’t worth the fight at the time. So she stopped. She is at it again (he’s three now) and says he is doing fairly well, but for some reason he doesn’t want to poop in the toilet. He started with just pooping in his underwear. They convinced him that was not ok so he decided to go into the bathroom and poop on the floor next to the toilet. He figured out he gets in trouble for that, so next he figured the next best place would be his hands. The first time it happened he tried handing it to his dad. They have tried explaining that it is gross and not ok. So now he gets toilet paper to put in his hands first and then poops in his hands. My poor SIL doesn’t know what to do! And all I can do is laugh and be very thankful that that is not me.
Oh my goodness, your poor sister-in-law!
I had my first 5 kids trained just before 2 or just after 2. Then my 6th child only pooped in her closet and then tried to hide it with towels or laundry. I just couldn’t handle it. So I gave up until she was 3 and she did it in 2 days and was able to take care of most of her business herself. I then realized with the 1st 5 I had been training my kids to tell me when they had to go and I spent the next year taking them to the bathroom until they were big enough to do it themselves. I’ve since decided I’d rather not spend the year in the bathroom with a 2 year old. #7 potty trained in about a week about a month before he turned 3. I am now working on #8 who will be 3 tomorrow. We are both ready to do this because I haven’t felt angry or grossed out rinsing poopy underwear in the toilet and he goes when I tell him to. My advice is don’t do it until you are committed to remaining calm and have the mind frame and time to clean up the messes.