“His house was perfect, whether you liked food, or sleep, or work, or story-telling, or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. Evil things did not come into that valley.
“I wish I had time to tell you even a few of the tales or one or two of the songs they heard in that house. All of them. . . grew refreshed and strong in a few days there. Their clothes were mended as well as their bruises, their tempers, and their hopes. Their bags filled with provisions light to carry but strong to bring them over the mountain passes. Their plans were improved with the best advice.” (J.R.R. Tolkein, The Hobbit, 61)
I’ve always loved this description of Elrond’s house from Tolkein’s book, The Hobbit. It conjures up the image of what a home should be – a place to sleep, work, eat, sing, rest, where physical and emotional ailments are mended, where evil does not come.
It also describes perfectly the work a loving wife and mother does in any given day. We clean. We do laundry. We sing songs. We read stories. We cook. We create a space where our families can feel safe.
Unfortunately there are some who don’t value the work of a wife and mother, who look down on us for not making ourselves the center of the world, who think because we have a husband and children we are keeping ourselves from being exceptional. Because we gave up being a doctor or lawyer or writer or CEO we are somehow less.
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| A Mother With Children by Giuseppe Magni |
Where would the doctors or children’s authors or teachers or construction workers or grocers be if it weren’t for the wives and mothers at home – those women who need all those things to make their homes run smoothly and keep their families healthy? C. S. Lewis wisely observed:
“I think I can understand that feeling about a housewife’s work being like that of Sisyphus (who was the stone rolling gentleman). But it is surely in reality the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, miners, cars, government etc exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? As Dr. Johnson said, “To be happy at home is the end of all human endeavour”. (1st to be happy to prepare for being happy in our own real home hereafter: 2nd in the meantime to be happy in our houses.) We wage war in order to have peace, we work in order to have leisure, we produce food in order to eat it. So your job is the one for which all others exist…” (Letters of C. S. Lewis (1966), 262. emphasis added)
Talk to any wife and mother. If she is honest she will tell you it is hard work. It is real work. It takes sacrifice and a lot of love and sweat and tears to do the same things over and over again each day. But in the sacrificing we become more. We are teaching our children, showing our husbands that they are valued, they are worth it. At the end of a long day at work where do people long to be? Still at work, or stuck in a car in traffic, or sleeping in a hotel? No! The place that beacons them is home. Home, where someone is waiting for them with eagerness. Home, where the mundane brings comfort and reassurance.
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| Amor Eterno by Simon Silva |
At the turn of the century just over 14 years ago essayist Richard Rodriguez wrote about events in history and observed, “America sent its young men to fight in history’s battles. They fought bravely and well. And though they came very close to seeing the face of history, many soldiers returned famished, they said — not for a hero’s parade of tape and confetti–but famished for the mundane: a hot dog or the barefoot pleasure of washing the car on Saturday morning.”
Famished for the mundane.
Famished for home.
Not long ago Barbara Walters, whose career in broadcast news spans five decades, gave an interview with Piers Morgan. He asked her, “If you could relive one moment in your life, the moment that brought you the greatest satisfaction, thrill, sadness perhaps, the moment?”
Do you know what she answered? Mrs. Walters didn’t speak of her career or her successes, including becoming the first female co-anchor of a network news broadcast. No, she talked about being a mother. “Can I tell you what I regret when you’re talking that way? I regret not having more children. I would have loved to have had a bigger family. I have one daughter. I don’t have brothers and sisters. I had a sister that I loved and she was developmentally challenged, I guess, is how they put it. I wish I had a bigger family.”
I applaud Mrs. Walters for being candid and acknowledging that in the end it always has been and always will be about family.
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| The Happy Family by Ferdinand GeorgWaldmuller |
For every thing we pursue in this life there will always be something we will have to give up. The question is what are you willing to sacrifice? I went to college at the age of 15. I could have gone on to do anything. I wanted to change the world by finding cures to the world’s diseases Instead I chose to be a wife. I chose to be a mother. I still choose to be a wife and mother. I recognize that my influence is more powerful here at home raising my babies, working with my husband. I am changing the world one baby at a time.
“In our hands we hold the power to transform the perception of motherhood. We should no longer allow a mother to be defined as ‘just a mom.’ It is on her back that great nations are built. To play down mothering as small is to crack the very foundation on which greatness stands. The world can only value mothering to the extent that women everywhere stand and declare that it must be so. As we affirm other mothers and as we teach our sons, husbands, and friends to hold them in the highest regard, we honor both the mothers whose shoulders we have stood on and the daughters who will one day, stand tall on ours.” (Oprah Winfrey, The Best of Oprah’s What I know for Sure, supplement to O, The Oprah Magazine (May 2005) 66)
As each new day dawns and my mothering, homemaking tasks begin I do not feel my efforts are worthless. I am passing on a legacy of motherhood to my seven daughters and four sons. They will go forth into the world knowing they had a mother who valued them. A mother who changed their diapers, fed them, read to them, sang to them, learned with them. And I will be exceptional in their eyes.
I am a woman with a husband and kids and I am not sorry.
Read more of my thoughts on motherhood and homemaking:
The Power of Mothers and Babies
Children Have Value
Why Homemaking?
Motherhood – Service of the Highest Order
Have I Done Any Good?
Thanks for this. I will be sharing it.
Thank-you. Well said.
I have been wanting to blog about the same thing, but haven’t been able to word it in my head. I think you said it perfectly!! When I was on my mission there were many times that I did long for the mundane since I was often without the comforts of home. It was just the simple things like drinking chocolate milk in my pj’s and talking to my mom while she was in the kitchen or dancing around the house being silly with my little sister. They are really the most important things and without moms at home that feeling is so often lost. Isn’t nice though to live in a home where home is happy, pleasant, and comfortable?!!!! Maybe if more people did the value of motherhood would greatly rise, but as many don’t even know or understand the feelings of “home” they don’t realize that it is possible to live in a happy, pleasant environment. Perhaps they search for these happy feelings elsewhere like in worldly success.
Great, great stuff! Thanks, Mother Montse!
Love this! Thank you!
Amen, sister!:)
Wow that article you linked to was really sad. Sometimes I forget that there are people out there who really believe all that stuff! Thank you for your testimony I know you have been such a light and an example to me!
Really wonderfully said, my friend. I’m so thankful for motherhood. And for womanhood. And for divine inspiration. And for people who follow it. I am thankful for you.
beautifully worded and lovely art work! I love how you didn’t counter…you just expressed yourself well.
Exceptional. Thank you.
Loved this post!! I honestly feel sorry for that poor, bitter woman! But she’s getting exactly what she wants. Enraged wives and mothers sharing her bitterness and linking back to her. So much traffic. She deserves to be ignored for that rotten post!! But this was a beautiful way to describe your feelings of being a mom and wife!
I debated whether or not to link to the article for that very reason. But then I felt I needed to in order to show the stark contrast of views others hold about the value of wives and mothers.
Very well said!
I love it! I read a great article today that goes along well with what you wrote.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1979/10/wife-and-mother-a-valid-career-option-for-the-college-educated-woman?lang=eng
(Sorry, I don’t know how to make that a linky thing!)
Terrific article! Thanks, Holly, for sharing the link. Copying and pasting in the web bar works too. 🙂
I love this! The quote you used from Richard Rodriguez is beautifully accurate. My husband spent most of the first year of our marriage in Afghanistan. When the other wives and I were given the demobilization briefing right before he came home the counselor told us NOT to plan big parties for our Marines that day-they just want to hug their mom’s and then go HOME. My husband just wanted to sit on our couch and hold our new baby and watch a movie with me. No celebration, just normalcy. I’m a woman with a husband and kids and I’m not sorry either! Thank you for being a beacon of truth!
Wow, thank you for sharing that personal story! It really is the mundane of home that brings the most comfort.
AMEN. There is no “job” harder, more important or more fulfilling than that of a mother. No matter how long humans live we will never “evolve” past the need for love in our life. I had a career for ten years before having children and I have learned and grown in ways I never imagined possible through the daily sacrifice of being a mother and learned to love and be loved in ways I never thought possible.
When we near the end of our lives no one except our family and very close friends will really care about us, what great things we did are not going to matter, the only thing that will matter is who is surrounding our bedside, not what we did for work or how much money we made.
This was absolutely beautiful. As I was driving this morning listening to the radio, I heard the DJ’s talking about how married couples should live in separate residences, like duplexes, so they have their own space they can decompress in. Gosh, it depressed me, thinking how misguided and lost so many people are. The justification of our selfish desires gets so out of control sometimes… but then I come and read something like your wonderful post and I’m reminded of reasons and wonders that I’d almost forgotten in the chaos of every day. Thank you!
Bravo! Beautifully said! I hope that by finding joy in what I do every day my daughters will look forward to being mother’s, and my sons will honor their wives as mothers. We need to be a light to the world.
Oh yes! I hope my children will also carry that on.
I enjoyed your commentary and I went to read the article you linked to. I think I’m insulted by her statement that doing laundry will never be equal to being….an engineer. Guess what? I do both! When I work outside of my home, I do both. When I am not employed, I still do both – my backyard didn’t decide to drain itself!
I have felt for years that the Women’s Lib Movement was the worst thing to happen to us. It was supposed to open doors and allow us to make our own decisions, but all it has done, in my opinion, is create a war zone. If your decision is to stay home with family, then you’re lazy and not goal oriented. If your decision is to work, then you’re brazen, pushy, and selfish. Why can’t we just make our decisions without grief?
This post gives me strength and stuff to think about, plus I loved the quotes and pictures you used – thanks, M!
Wonderful and true. Thank you for writing and sharing!
Thank you for standing for truth and righteousness. Well said.
Amen! Perfect! Amazing! Thank you!
Amen! Perfect! Amazing! Thank you!
Beautifully said! Thank you for sharing your confident choice to follow God’s plan with love and joy in your heart, it was truly inspiring! One of the comments made me want to share this talk about regrets, also very inspiring: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng.
Thank-you for your inspiring blog. 🙂
You are awesome! Thank you for being so bold and fierce in the name of all that is good!
Great comments, great quotes, great philosophy, great wife and mother, great example and inspiration!!
Choosing not to marry or have kids can be a personal decision based on various factors in individual lives. Some people prefer to focus on their careers, personal growth, or hobbies without the added responsibilities of a spouse or children. Financial freedom is another consideration, as raising children and maintaining a household can be expensive. Additionally, some individuals value their independence and the ability to make life choices without considering a partner or family. Concerns about overpopulation, environmental impact, and the desire to avoid potential stressors like sleep deprivation and work-life balance issues also play a role. Ultimately, it’s about what aligns best with one’s values and life goals, if someone does not want to be in a marriage or have kids it is perfectly fine since it is their choice.