There has been so much swirling around in my head the past few weeks that I’m surprised I haven’t dropped over from dizziness.
I’ve been on autopilot since the holidays. Or survival mode. Whatever you want to call it.
We had a wonderful holiday break! So much so that I totally forgot about “the list,” those tasks that I wanted and needed to get done before school started again. When I woke up on January 4th I was already behind. Ack! And so I’ve been trying to play catch-up ever since. But my lack of organization caught up to me first.
Two weeks ago on Thursday I was done.
It was in the morning and we were doing school.
Within a five minute period I swear, “Mom!” was said close to 200 times. And that’s not an exaggeration! Marie is home now doing all her college classes online for this semester while she prepares to leave on a mission. She asked for help with some computer problem just as Abby and Debbie both asked for help with their pre-Algebra. Of course, several of the littler ones were asking if they could watch a movie or they needed help getting their shoes on (which had already been put on their feet twice before!) or who knows what else.
In frustration I grumbled, “Argh! I feel like I’m being pulled a million different ways!”
To which Debbie replied with a smile on her face, “Well, you’re the one who had us all AND decided to homeschool.”
“I know, I know. But seriously, listen to how many times ‘Mom’ is being said right now!”
Wouldn’t you know within five seconds there were about seven “Mom!”s said.
And we all started laughing. Because it really was funny.
All of them, from the 18 year old down to the baby (who can’t say mom) needed me. And then in an instant I felt totally overwhelmed. While we laughed I blurted out, “I think I’m going to cry!”
And I did! I cried and laughed and cried and laughed and then just cried.
I think while I rinsed off my face the older girls must have given the younger kids ‘The Look.’ No one said “Mom!” for a little while, though they did ask for help.
Five minutes after this happened I received a text from my sister-in-law asking if the youngest four (not including Henry) could come play at her house after lunch.
YES!!
While they were gone I took an hour long nap then got up and organized the pantry. It felt good to have something organized! I started slow putting order back to our days. We began with a couple of hours, the school hours, in the morning. Then modified that so not everyone is calling for MOM all at once. 😀
Now we are back on schedule and I feel so much better. Actually schedule isn’t the right word. More like a rhythm. Yes, I like that better. I’ve learned my lesson that for my and my family’s sake we need structure and organization or it gets to be too overwhelming and chaotic. Having a steady rhythm makes our days flow more smoothly. While our daily flow is pretty good it can be better. Small changes are in the works. Nothing big or major. I’ve found that usually small changes bring greater balance to our lives and are easier to implement.
The Small Seed has a series going on right now called “Mastering Your Day” which I have thoroughly enjoyed reading and gleaning ideas from. There is so much I want to do and be! There is so much room for improvement. I have to remind myself that I don’t need to do it all or be it all. I need to focus on what the Lord needs me to do this minute, this day.
So this year I am working on becoming more. And yes, I realize the best way to become more is to probably do less.
One of my favorite hymns is More Holiness Give Me.
More holiness give me,
More strivings within,
More patience in suff’ring,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.
More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief,
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.
More purity give me,
More strength to o’ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be,
More blessed and holy–
More, Savior, like thee.
For my non-Mormon friends take a minute to listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing it!
That is the type of MORE I am aiming for.
***For more spiritual enlightenment read this great talk by H. David Burton***
I always thought you had it all together, and never got overwhelmed with the load you carry – JK! If at any time , I can help in any way, please do not hesitate.
This has been my quest, too. I found inspiration this school year in the miracle of the loaves and fishes. If the Savior could magnify a few loaves and fish into a meal for 5,000, then certainly He can magnify my efforts each day into enough to care for my family.
Thanks for an honest post that helped me feel that I am not alone.
The thing I hate the most about how overwhelmed I’ve been feeling lately, is that when I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, I don’t appreciate how incredibly lucky I am to have 4 of the sweetest kids in the world who love me more than they love anybody else on the planet, AND I have the privilege of getting to keep them with me all day every day while we homeschool. (Can you tell I’m feeling less overwhelmed right this minute than I’ve been feeling the last month?)
Thanks for a “You’re not alone!” post 😀 I have loved reading your blog for the last couple of years. Your family is beautiful, and your faith is inspiring.
And, when you get a minute to share, and if you feel inclined to share, can you tell me how you managed to keep on going, keep on having babies, when you felt like you’d had babies long enough? Or maybe you never felt that way! I’ve got four and I know Heavenly Father wants me to have another but I cannot imagine trying to fit in another one! If you’d rather keep it private you can email me at mircaswell at gmail dot com 😀
I hope you’re feeling a little more on top of things by now! I appreciated you sharing this story with me the other day. It really does get so overwhelming some days- no matter how many kids we have, and whether or not we homeschool.
It’s so true that we usually have to do less to become more! ?
Thanks for the link and reading recommendation. I think a lot of us are in the same situation/have similar feelings at the beginning of the year–I was literally here on your blog a week and a half ago re-reading your Managers of Their Homes post to glean ideas to improve our organization!
I’m sure there isn’t one of us who can’t relate perfectly to this! But you expressed it all so well!
Thank you for this. I’m pregnant with number 8 (I know, I know, I said we were done after baby number seven, but Heavenly Father told us differently) and it has gone really well. Now we’re down to the last month and I feel like I can’t handle anything. It is so frustrating to clean only to clean again, to organize, only to organize again, to launder only to launder again, and to have so many people need you to make everything happen.
My daughter, Emeline, made me happy the other day, though, because she made up a song about our family. It went something like, “We get a newborn, shout hip-hip-hooray. We have a Miriam, shout hip-hip-hooray. We have a Cowen, shout hip-hip-hooray.” She shouted hip-hip-hooray for all the kids in the family and then she sang, “We have the best mom, shout hip-hip-hooray. She made our family, shout hip-hip-hooray.” I’m so glad to be their mother and so crazy overwhelmed by it all at the same time.